You dirty dirty liar I like the way you twitter
Question: terrible or awesome when a girl give you head so vigorously that you get a hickey of sorts
You stood up and started yelling"Free blow jobs!" because you thought people would like you more.
i just ate that cheese stick that was in my purse from last night.
Dude, this old lady messaged me on Facebook talking about her grandson and wanted to know shit about me. I'd almost call her a cougar except she looks like mashed potatoes that have come alive.
Can we get blazed at 9:06 on sunday and reenact the moment of my birth?
I get to be your mom.
Threesome in a minivan. New low
My professor just gave us a margarita recipe.
Why?
Because, and I quote, he "wants to give us the tools to succeed in life."
His search history includes homemade sex toys and a plunger. I'm scared about what goes on in their place.
We're not on Beacon Street anymore so now your argument about not peeing on the sidewalk holds no water. Whereas my bladder has holded every water.
And I just want to be like your tongue is not a FUCKING sword
IT IS EARTH DAY, RECORD STORE DAY, 4/20 EVE, AND SATURDAY ALL AT THE SAME TIME!
Those thigh tattoos deserve the handsomest of grins between them. Dont settle.
Take home message: SPERM IS EVIL AND SHOULD NEVER EVER EVER BE ALLOWED UP ONE'S NOSE.
MY DAD KEEPS LIKING PORN LINKS/ALBUMS ON FACEBOOK AND THEY ALL SHOW UP IN MY NEWSFEED
Randomize
