I hope you get the herp and dife. The emd.
Lets date for the summer
what?
Dont love me in September.
Omg. Get me out of here. Someone is playing michelle branch.
we saw you sitting at the door of the dorm trashed, wrapped in DANGER tape with a stolen balloon around your wrist
Please dont jizz on my ds screen.
It'll be just me and my penis against the world.
Oh god our sink is a cavalcade of horrors. Brb sacrificing a goat and putting everything in the dishwasher forever
I need rollerblades now
Rollerblades pick up bitches
Dude we gotta go back to your cabin. left glenn. he's calling me crying and still drunk
Last time I was your wingman I had to deal with a girl whose only interest in my body was to clip my toenails. I'm not interested.
I danced with a french guy who licked the sweat off my neck and poured a drink on me. Not gonna lie, that shit was refreshing
I think my brain has decided it's boycotting life until it can do whatever it wants.
You spent an hour sitting naked in your neighbor's Jeep Wrangler yelling in a terrible British accent about how you were "on a safari". Then you passed out on your lawn.
Hey! you should come over!
Who is this? The number is saved as "Sexy Awesome"
I'm going to come in the middle of the night and attack you with spoons
Randomize
