I feel like our bond as friends is a lot stronger now that I've talked to you on the phone while having sex.
what i wouldnt give for a night at orourkes without seeing 3+people ive slept with
sorry i interrupted the heart to heart you were having with your bathrobe last night
my entire walk over here no one looked in my eyes. Period Boobs are BAACKKK.
every time fb tells me a dude i fucked is now friends with another dude ive fucked, i die a little inside. thats way more honesty than im comfortable with.
Do you remember unrolling paper towels as a blanket?
open bar reception. dayglow. pray for me
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.
that's why you don't digest questionable powders from girls wearing tutus at a dirty club
Every time I drink before 5 somebody's pet dies
Stop drinking before 5
Easier said than done
Super awkward that I just now realized I added no verb to the first statement about super hero porn. We were watching it, not making it. Clarity.
If you keep giving me that glorious dick ill bake you some cookies
Of course he's seen my tits, I wave those things around like a trump supporter does an American flag
Have you ever forgotten how to pee? I did last night. Standing in front of the urinal with dick in hand. WTF were we drinking???
like, there were so many other better not terrible choices you could have made, so i'm honestly baffled that you managed to fuck up that bad
Randomize
