I was looking through my facebook friends list to see how many ppl on the list i've hooked up with, and was effectively reminded of my failed friendships, relationships, fuck budy-ships, friends with benefits, and "i cant remember if i ever did shit with him but we're awkward now" ships.
How am I a tease?
Dude you flashed me ur vagina and walked away.
ONLY PART OF IT.
Just got back from my 9:00 am class to find my roommate soaking her lifesaver gummies in vodka so she can have them for a snack in class later.
next time we drink: battle shots.
battle shots or battle shits? if its the first, explain. if its the second I think I figured it out.
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Just threw up in front of the Boy Scouts on my base. Welcome to the Navy kids.
sorry for laughing and taking pictures while you were having an asthma attack on st. patricks day
I'm chatting on my fake OkCupid account and watching Lion Witch & Wardrobe on my second screen. Hail me, King of the Creepers
This girl invited us back on the promise of weed and strudel...she delivered neither.
...is this motivational speaking, or sexting? It's getting hard to tell.
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so... i have a picture of you and three other girls making kissy faces at this giant stuffed banana you're holding. however, you seem to be violently screaming at it.
Those bitches did NOT have my back.
she's my really slutty friend i bring around so i can act slutty and not feel as bad about it
I should've known a straight guy wouldn't know all the words to Moana
is it still the walk of shame if his dad gave me a 'thanks for sleeping with my son' head nod on my way out this morning?
So on a scale of 1-10 how mad would you be if I sent you a picture from the inside of a strip club
I mean, it's good for a lot of things. Just not the inside of your vagina
Well neither is bbq sauce but I dont judge kinks
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