Well I left you a voicemail but you probably won't be able to hear it because my mic is fucked up. I think you need to come down here and take it in for me.
I hate this phone so bad I'm going to lose all of my friends because of it
Yeah...you probably will...
well, you're marked off my christmas card list for next year.
ok i'm going to motor boat your sister now. ttyl
she definitely has that "I'll bang you, but then I'll tell your girlfriend" look to her.
6 figure salary? he just got a little cuter.
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So I fucked that hot french guy last night
You do know he's the one who threw up on our table, right? You get to clean it up.
I will never try to masturbate with americas funniest home videos playing in the background ever again
I have no idea what to do about this. He has a power over me and I think its called his tongue.
Bad behavior is like a petri dish that grows organically In my heart
I know. I feel like I should be doing mature responsible adult things though. Like getting loans, working 60 hours every week and not eating burritos in bed, ya know?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Most girls get hit on with a $7.00 drink. You get hit on with a $750K plane.
What's your ideal size in a man?
I just asked if you could cover my shift tomorrow......
Yay! Also. When you're coming down eat waffles and touch yourself. You won't regret it.
He tried to break dance on the island in the kitchen and ended up knocking over everyone's alcohol onto the floor then yelled "GUCCI" before vomiting
Who knew a blowjob could cause this kind of crazy
He wasn't prepared for it
When have you ever know me to go too far?
Besides the alcoholism, the HR issues, and getting fired from Best Buy for tackling a display?
Yeah. Besides those.
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