Mom and Dad are dead. Trust fund
Firetruck pulls up, fireman jumps out n knocks on my door, asks "do you know where Johnny lives?"
dudes here are drinking wine, and not in the forgivable 'just doing this to get laid' way
I noticed how good my hair still looked. Apparently rum and coke in it helps it stay curly thru sex. May be using this more often.
You. Me. A bottle of Vodka. The wilderness.
Um please remind me to tell you what happened tonight. It involves wine, pain killers and firing a handgun in our apartment. Legit might be hiding from the cops this weekend.
Just rinsed and put my styrofoam cup of noodles in the dishwasher. I need to be not hungover ASAP
Question: should I be considering heels or is this the kind of night where I should plan on falling on my face regardless of my choice of footwear?
Highlight of the weekend: getting roundhouse kicked in the dick while switching from reverse cowgirl.
Today is a spill-drugs-all-over-myself kind of day.
would you like to venture to the magical clitoris forest?
I'm gonna give the church their tithe, and the rest is a down payment on boobs.
yo dude not sure how this happened but im drunk at your house eating burritos with your mom and sister. hope you're having fun in new zealand
I just got fed by 3 guys. I love my job.
He ate me out on the front lawn of the post office. The people in the office across the road definitely got a show!
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