A girl just told me I should smile because I was surrounded by hot girls. I told her that clearly beauty was in the eye of the beholder. And she slapped me!
when she started arguing that Girl Talk was in fact a DJ, i knew i could never sleep with her
you just used "cock block" and "youth group" in the same sentence. somethings wrong with you.
I decided that just having that story under my belt and being able to tell it to my grandchildren is worth the regrets of the evening.
She gave me a bj in her parent's kitchen while I ate the rest of her mom's birthday cake. Fuck. Yes.
I can get orange kush...
GET IT NOW! WHY IS THERE A DOT DOT DOT?!
I want you to tape your fingers together and give me a lobster claw hand job.
I legitimately sent him a storybook of naked pictures.
he told me he expects me to keep the fangs on when i go down on him. presumptuous, yes, but man after my own heart.
And then she apologized after the blow job for being too sick to deep throat. I'm in love..
my bowl and the doses are under your mom's passenger seat
repeat: THERE IS LSD AND THC IN YOUR MOM'S CAR. HELP ME HELP US AVOID FELONIES
I just don't remember. It's like I went to bed on July 3rd.. and woke up on the 5th. Nothing.
The three of us were sitting silently in my dining room at 4:30 am, half drunk, eating cold spaghetti and listining to death metal. I need a fucking cigarette.
Believe me honey Imma fuck the discount out of at least one plastic surgeon in my life
This might be the worst thing you've ever done.
Really? I feel like I've done worse. Guess I gotta step my game up.
Randomize
