After I talked about my ex for about twenty minutes, she just listened, sluts are so understanding
Well.. considering he unknowingly dated a prostitute, I consider myself the winner in that break up.
It's shit like that that makes me wish being deaf was contagious
sometimes you just have to pull up your panties, blow a kiss to the security camera and walk out of the alley like nothing happened.
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He passed out. Woke up long enough to declare himself "the sauce boss" and then bit me in the face.
She roared AMY HORNEY and hulk hoganed her shirt off. Fuckin marriage time bro
Yes. No, I'm basically a superhero but with drugs. I'm robin hood. I steal from the rich (insurance and drug companies) and give to the poor (everyone I know).
"I'm gonna wax that ass" was the successful pick up line used on me last night. Clearly I had a few too many cause it worked..
He said he actually "met" me for the first time through a picture his housemate had of me, drunk and passed out in a pool of my own vomit, on the floor of his basement.
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But seriously. What possible excuse could I come up with to ditch my parents on Christmas to go fuck him?
Do not try to steal a picnic table from a park, all you will end up with are sore arms and broken dreams.
Idk maybe I'll talk to him once he gets out of jail just to yell at him and get my strawberry ice cream back.
I hope Trump leaves Planned Parenthood alone for at least another month. The week got away from me. #whorelando
i was so high when i left this morning that rather than make sandwiches i threw bread and peanut butter in my backpack. a whole loaf. and a whole jar
It's not a hangover, it's "slept on a couch with another person and said person moves a lot and is loud"
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