Dude. I just woke up without a shirt or bra on. Apparently I fell asleep with a quesadilla in my mouth. I can feel my liver hating me.
can we please move this conversation out of my vagina?
the next time i see a chick with leggings under her jean skirt...i'm gona beat her ass with a fashion magazine...
Farmville is her only friend.
I just saw a man salute the budweiser truck on the highway. I want to follow him and shake his hand.
I told him i wanted to be exclusively cheating with him
Everytime I walk into a bathroom at school that I've taken a pregnancy test in I get a little bit nostalgic....
I'm eating mac and cheese for dinner that way when I puke later it'll be festive halloween orange.
No. He just yelled "youre having one more orgasm!" So he made that happen and then he rolled over and went to sleep.
Can't. Busy recovering from the worst pulled muscle of my life that I got either from excessively acrobatic boning or carrying a huge fucking ice luge down the street while wearing 4 inch heels
I stirred my drink with a butcher knife. His roomate keeps giving me dirty looks
Like what do you want from me
One sec I was having the time of my life, the next I was shitting water
Last time we had sex i was dressed like a ninja turtle and someone else was in our bed, so this time should be fine.
I hope ur kiddin
wish i was
I can get weed and taco bell delivered but frozen peas and a loaf of bread are just too scarce, what the hell is wrong with people?
Some sorority went “Dick or Treating” at a frat house and now the Halloween parties are canceled
Randomize
