I haven't gotten laid in forever. I'm obsessed. I imagine I this is how Ethopians feel about food.
good penises are hard to come by.... must be the economy...
bang him and never speak to him again. also, queef in his face.
i dont this its possible to queef on command.
for a minute I thought I needed to put on pants to go get a burrito, but then I remembered I'm in college
I don't care if he acts like a don't exist 6 days a week. On the 7th day he makes makes my vagina cry. In a good way. Jesus understands.
I hope your lack of response means you're banging, not talking about her purity ring.
how the hell did this chicken wing end up in my cast?!
We're bowling witha frozen turkey in the hallway...ur missing out
Never backflip into an above ground pool. I think the gash will be smaller by Monday though.
Can you work for me at 4? We might have just taken some drugs we found in the couch and... end of story
woke up to a family dragging me under their beach umbrella, they poured water on me bc they "thought I was dead" then fed me quesadillas and nursed me back to health... gotta love Cabo
sometimes you just gotta eat tacobell at 2am and cry all your feelings out
I'm excited I love mornings when I'm not sober
I threw up in the bathtub last night like a decent human being.
I was too hungover to sit up and pull the curtains closed so I did it with my toes
Randomize
