I'm almost 25, which means I can ride with girls that have permits
What did you want me to do? You know I don't like fat people. I'm an asshole to them sober it only gets worse when I'm drunk
That doesn't make it okay! You tried kicking the girl's mom out where we were having the party at!
too bad being hungover isnt a job. just threw up from 9am to 5pm
you went around grabbing cigarettes out of peoples mouths and claiming you were curing cancer.
Just wanted to let you know that I always win at "whose ex is crazier" because of you.
positive spin of the day: since my nose is blocked from allergies cleaning the puke this morning was much easier
If I had a penis, I would stick it EVERYWHERE. I don't know what these guys are doing.
Idk who invented dominoes cheese steak pizza but I wanna lick their balls
I didn't realize how drunk I was until my vagina was in the snow.
I just gave him road head. He came in the Taco Bell drive thru which seems pretty typical for my life.
i want george washington to fuck me as hard as he can holy shit
you told me you wanted to be a soccer mom with a high tolerance then you put the bottle to your face
Can I just swipe right on his dad?
I don't want to just hook up with random dudes. I've had enough bad sex to know that it's not worth hooking up with strangers
It's not?
She really wants to hug you. With her vagina.
Randomize
