I have the worst wedgie. Seriously. Its horible. And there are people everywhere around me.
Slide your hand down the back of your pants and shift to the side slowly
...are you coming on to me?
Piggyback rides are my preferred mode of transportation.
The chance that I have herpes may have made me find god
I wonder what gingers are like in bed...as awkward as their hair or just as unique as it...?
So at what point while he was throwing up on the girl next to him did you think "yeah, im going to hit that"
I'm drinking and throwing an enormous tennis ball at children. I couldn't be happier.
I forgot not everyone drinks wine out of the bottle. My grandma just asked if i needed a glass with a disappointing look.
I feel like an ass. I'm not blacking out ever again. I want to clean your feet for a year. Just like Jesus did.
Just ate a chocolate chip cookie upside down. This is what having a degree does for you.
We got a kitchen table so we would eat together more. So far we've played drunken monopoly and had sex on it.
We were having sex in the gardens when the grounds keeper walked up on us. He gave me a thumbs up and walked away
in the middle of telling this chick to sober up i was shotgunning beers. im gonna be ab awsome nurse.
We need a rematch, I think my pussy was on vacation the other night.
For future reference: When the bouncer is approaching you to remove you from his bar, you don't respond by taking off your pants.
I think we have some hyper-understanding of each other when drunk, because looking back at our text convo from last night, they were literally just jumbled letters.
Randomize
