I'm drunk
Is that why you're texting me
Yes
OMG I just tried to text you something dirty but accidentally texted the obama campaign
You can call me Bill Clinton. I brought 2 good looking Asians home last night.
his cum shot went directly into his bellybutton. felt like i was playin ski ball
you fucking puked into the top of the beer bong while i was chugging from it. when i realized i was chugging your vomit, i vomitted on the floor. she kicked us both out.
Not going out tonight. And so the 25 day drinking streak ends....
just puked a little into my hand/sleeve. way too hungover for the first day of class
Dear lord though. So much glitter. It's just a big gay explosion and all of my whore muscles hurt.
Wasn't his fault he kicked a hole in the wall, they should have never tried to give him a bath after tequila.
i woke up this morning put my hand under the pillow and there was a banana there
I woke up at 6 and was laying at the top of my stairs.
You ghosted you're own booty call. Wow what a sad sad man.
I didn't really understand how big 10 inches is. Now I know.
I can't talk, I can't walk, I think I'm twitching and I'm not even sure if I'm typing this. Help
It doesn't matter if it's only been 3 days since you last changed your sheets. If your fuck buddy comments on how your bed smells like sex, it's time to change them again.
Randomize
