Just saw a woman walking a golden retriever and a vacuum down the road. I miss downtown.
So hungover. Sitting in class about to puke during this ladys flute performance. Not sure why were having a flute concert in biology
I dont think that yelling at the medic "Christmas is gone, fuck off santa" was the best idea when you couldnt feel your legs.
I should put together a new mom basket for her. It would have diapers, vodka, ambien, and tissues for when she cries about her wasted youth.
Note to self: do not ride giant beanbag chair down stairs.
It's pathetic. My bed hasn't been this sexless since it was in bedmart.
I legit had a 15 minute convo about dinosaurs with a guy at the bar last night cuz he was wearing a jurassic park shirt
So far in the last ten minutes I have tried to pour cereal into a plate. Today's gonna be a great day.
All I remember from the concert was leaving in an RV full of middle aged people playing circle of death
I need a kidney, not a pussy. All the pussy in the world isn't going to save my life. Keep your pussy in your pants and give me a kidney.
It was like a square peg in a round hole... I've never seen one shaped like a stick of butter...
Not sure what happened last night, but I woke up without a shirt on and cereal glued to my boobs...
Someone just asked me why I drink so much. Im gonna slap a bitch
I got so drunk last night that I was drunk in my dream. Good night
It's like a donut of clothes around a pair of heels. Like they were transported to another dimension naked.
Randomize
