i fuckib htae you, you church bitch.
Dude, she had a vegina. I felt like Indiana Jones cutting a path through the jungle.
it's 4 am, i'm drinkin beer and re-drywalling my bathroom. this could possibly be a bad idea.
and after you realized your puke was bright blue, you started crying hysterically and screaming, "I DON'T WANT TO BE A SMURF!" no more uv blue for you.
Just got thank you sex for shoveling the driveway. I cant wait for the next blizzard
Who was that guy you went home with?
Hang on, I'm trying to ask his name right now.
I was. I was trying to blow bubbles in the toilet after I threw up in it. They had to carry me everywhere. I lost a sock.
You know, it doesn't really count as a walk of shame if you guys showered together the next morning
It must be illegal for me to be this drunk in front of this many children
lesson learned. Never drop acid before a trip to the aquarium. Sounds awesome, is actually terrifying.
I told my coworker that I'm going to a dinner party and was asked to bring wine and pregnancy tests and he was like.. I miss being 20
Your vagina is like Nancy Drew lately.
The way I see it, there's 2 types of friends. Those you should do drugs with, and those you really,really shouldn't.
I JUST SAW MY THERAPIST OUTSIDE OF WORK AND I DONT KNOW THE ADULT THING TO DO
Shame is for Republicans.
Randomize
