I think scott just propositioned me for sex
If that was your dad, he is hot
I know. You don't know poor life choice until your sitting on the floor of a community bathroom waiting to vomit at 4 am
I caught him trying to shit in her bed. I asked him why he was doing it and he said "because it's wrong."
Do what your heart wants. . .
My heart wants to rip his balls off and tie therm to his head using his penis
Have you seen Dave? He's not on top of the bar anymore but I found his shirt.
You were supposed to behave this weekend.
But... naked.
I wish the guy I was sleeping with wasn't on house arrest.
THE EAGLE HAS MY PANTIES. I REPEAT. THE FUCKING MASCOT HAS MY PANTIES.
HOLY SHIT. You're my hero.
Dude the little bong I just got fits nicely in the cup holder in my car. The gods approve of my habits.
If sandwichs had dicks, my life would be complete
Ask me if I'm sitting naked in a lawn chair eating a block of cheese waiting for a bacon grilled cheese sandwich
But I don't see you as the jesus riding a dinosaur with a machine gun type of guy
I don't know who he was but he was covered up with a shower curtain and ate a whole bottle of tums
So it turns out high me is very efficient. I set 5 alarms to remind me to do things, i made mac and cheese, and i wrote a poem. I'm going places.
Randomize
