I am I'm going to have heart failure he's peed on my life.
Hey guys, just to let you know, I have a boyfriend...so that hookup was kind of a one time thing.
was that a mass text??
You were in the garage half naked counting your ribs and talking about how you had too many
I would call you but I don't feel like these hands belong to me.
Im sitting in church with a backpack full of beer bottles. This is friendship.
I could of sworn you were praying in the strip club.
I figured it out. If I have at least 4 shots of vodka before I start my day, EVERY day will be a good day.
I'm pretty sure I'm the first person in the history of this college to rollerblade their walk of shame.
This is a sacred holiday in the land of the free! I do what I want!
You will never be paid again to get drunk and tell off cops without being arrested. Once in a lifetime opportunity
You're right. Fuck my job. I'm in.
Last night was a "wash hands with dog shampoo" kind of night
Sweet! It'll be a "that-minor-I-used-to-serve-alcohol-to-is-no-longer-a-minor" party!!!
Just woke up to Siri reminding me that i need to kill the giant orange spider in my room, because it's sorcery and witchcraft is sacrilegious. Did you give me LSD again!?!??!
I can't go to Fassler and not immediately think about you licking a guys wife's butthole in the family restroom
Guy just rode past on a lowrider bike smoking a blunt, I want his life
Randomize
