I'm convinced her vagina is similar to chernobyl, but I want to visit it for the novelty value anyway.
you want my honest opinion? I'm sure refering to her vagina as the "bat cave" was your first mistake.
Apparently oprah and I were in competition to see who's ass could get bigger this summer
So I've come to the conclusion that I would cry if I had an ugly baby.
I'm gonna answer everything she says with 'cum on da face' until she breaks up with me...great idea or greatest idea?
Her pussy was so beautiful. That's what I'LL miss the most. Not the omelets. You're the roommate, obviously our priorities on this situation are vastly different.
He dared me to drink a bottle of olive oil in exchange for a 30 pack... So much for loosing the freshman fifteen this year.
i woke up in his neighbors pool house. Not sure how I got here but there is people swimming outside. how do I escape?
just fucking run.
omg his dad is hot
... I'm currently away at the moment. Leave a msg since I cannot express how much I can't help you stop ruining peoples lives.
I just realized my new apartment is at the corner of Patrick Henry and Mary Jane.
Give me weed or give me death?
Status: mom bitching about grandma not shutting the fuck up, while not shutting the fuck up. Dear Jesus give me strength or more bourbon.
Ate his Chinese food and drank his beer and played with his chihuahua. All while wrapped in a towel while he was sleep.
Well I got black out drunk before the rehearsal dinner and berated my family with insults. But other then that it was a good time
So I'm at early voting and the group of ladies behind me is talking about voting no on 2 and my gummy is kicking in, thank lawd
Let's just face it you're going to have an arrangement with your future wife your fuck me on Thursdays
Randomize
