your horoscope this morning...very interesting...good luck today
I think she just tried to waterboard me with her vagina.
my last 3 google searches were anal itchy vagina and ice cubes
today is the best snowday of my entire life. also its no shirt day.
Just tried on my bathing suit for the first time this year. Had to drink a beer to numb the pain.
He told me I took off my shirt, asked for the latino thunder and jumped on him. I want to question this but it sounds too much like me.
All I need is the Internet and a place to drink.
Like do you hear me I PUKED IN MY OWN HANDS AND HE STILL SAID I WAS GORGEOUS
I just had a contest with the toilet to see who could hold their breath longest.
I won
I convinced every single one of my cousins to bring me a glass of wine. I was the alcoholic queen and they were my subjects.
Today I left one job interview, showed up randomly at his house for a midday bootycall then left right after to attend my second job interview. I got both jobs
He propositioned me for a threesome once so yeah I'd say he has what it takes to run for public office
He sang a ten minute song about me sitting on his face and eating quesadillas. Pretty sure I have to marry him.
Making friends with the guy who had alcohol-infused whipped cream was the best decision I made all night.
He showed his fake to the cop and was like "does the coloring look off to you?"
Randomize
