Did we have sex?
No you put the condom on then passed out on the bed so I left
Haha so you are never gonna want to meet my mom now...she just found your thong in her front seat
i opened her purse and found 4 bottles of vodka tampons and an unopened box of birth control...
Thanks for ditching me last night. I got a ride home from the Dominos delivery guy. You owe me 3 large pizzas.
She pointed at me and told her friend, I'm going to fuck him, its going to be really loud, so yes, i need the whole basement.
what started as sign language exam pre-drinks to calm the nerves turned into me waving at a deaf woman for 20 minutes
Sometimes I wonder why I hang out with you. And then you show up half naked at my door with a half gal of vodka, and I remember why.
I've heard so many rumors about me being taken home in an ambulance I'm starting to believe them.
I thanked her dad for "firing off a good one" when she was conceived. She said thats why he doesnt like me.
Found a single cinnamon toast crunch between my butt cheeks. We did work last night
She seriously spent 30 minutes trying to make balloon animals out of my limp dick...
...
Exactly.
like stop just cause your whole life has been one enormous reject pile does not mean that i have to suffer too
All I'm sayin is that I don't want to raise anything. Or deal with anything. Or having anything come out of my vagina. I mean, I don't think that's asking too much.
Now after not puking, next step is not to do the accent when immigration says "hello."
you know you need to get laid when: getting wrestled to the ground in a self-defense class turns you on....p.s. this is a booty call
Randomize
