just landed in detroit. Currently holding a bag of my own vomit. neighbor told me it was the most graceful vom she has ever seen. Kicking off bar exam week in style.
Springtime is officially here. I just used pool water to fill up the bong
While we were having sex he told me "this is what you get for not parking my car right" I have never drove his car. He was that kind of weird.
This might sound awkward, but can I borrow a dildo for class?
In all seriousness...vodka, almond milk and chocolate syrup make a decent white russian.
Sorry no. I've already promised my first single hookup to somebody.
He kept dropping hints about giving me crabs. Like he called my pubes a nest and said he "hoped there weren't any eggs in there."
I just need to repress my desire to share my impressive chugging abilities with the world and I won't black out so much
Everyone here knows me as 'that chick who will most likely steal your girlfriend'. My 99% success rate tells me this name is acceptable.
Hooked up with a guy dressed as Miss Frizzle last night... Asked if I could ride his Magic School Bus
I feel as though I look like a mom with a substance abuse problem
I don't think I've ever been sadder than the way I feel when I finish my meal while I'm high
I know he's only a bandaid for my emotional disrepair, but he can stick me anytime!!
Rock bottom: having sex rejected while your boyfriend talks in his sleep as you stuff your face with Girl Scout cookies
I can't imagine a friend I would rather lose my virginity to in a threesome.
Randomize
