um. i met him on myspace...we text now, he lives down the street
Just got back from doctors appt. He lied. It wasn't a pimple on his dick.
a guy from my religion class just walked in with a red cup. hello first friday of 2nd semester.
and that's why he's hiding in the taco suit
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Apparently you can coat check a keg.
Would it be tacky of me to tell the two girls I just found out he's been sleeping with on the side that I've been having gay sex with him all semester?
he said verbatim, he wants to "bang you hard".
i woke up this morning and saw her in my bed and i said to myself, I think I might have a drinking problem.
People around me are just doing lines of cocaine. Like its no big deal. And I'm just here like.... Y'all want some cheezits?
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Oh, AND I met a ukulele teacher that I'd date. So there's that.
Just because the energy drink is shaped like a grenade doesnt make it cool to throw it and yell "BOOM" and break my flatscreen, asshole
I forgot to tell you that he serenaded me with "Fuck Her Gently" by Tenacious D. And I didn't hate it.
I'm still here... I feel so bad wearing your mom's cardigan at a strip club 🙈
Sitting on couch, workout sex makes me more sore than regular workout
I look forward to getting really drunk tonight and startling some rando’s mother tomorrow morning while she’s up early making a turkey
It’s a holiday tradition at this point
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