bobby jindal makes me wanna cover my ears. you make me wanna smile.
Saved 180 Bucks tonight. Pulled my own tooth. More money to party with.
Pot didnt help. Now Im even sadder but now im afraid of the clouds and the crickets.
I just remembered yelling "they're gonna let me be a lawyer! Me! Why would they do that?"
You told me you were allowed to keep eating butter because it had just passed midnight and you were on the next day's daily fat servings
yea im pretty sure it has something do with my love of forearms...
found a rock and smashed the sliding glass door. home safe. screen door is locked so we're good.
Whatever, the fact of the matter is that I saved you from poorly planned outdoor sex by doing a rain dance and you should totally thank me.
Ps, did you know if you google "drunk jenga", you're the first image that shows up?
I CAME HOME WITH MY NIPPLES PEIRCED! WE WERE CAMPING. IN THE MOUNTIANS. I DONT EVEN REMEMBER IT AT ALL.
My mom is lecturing me about 'invaluable housekeeping skills' while I google 'cocktails involving gin' on my phone. I can feel the generational gap looming in her silent judgment of my choices.
Guys always stop talking to me right around the point that if they bought me food a couple times I would probably have sex with them.
Side note, i did some manscaping and now my farts sound way different
Why would you trust me with ANYTHING!!!???
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos?
Randomize
