So does your leg always twitch violently when someone plays with your clitoris? Or has my ten years of piano playing finally paid off?
Coming down off exstacy at a church event. Resisting the urge to dance to the church hymns.
Some dude just bet me $8 I couldn't smoke a pack of cigarettes in an hour...It sounds stupid, but I really wanna do it. If I survive, I'll have $8 and it'll look good on my resume.
Just got an Edible Arrangement my parents sent me for my birthday. Time to marinate some fruit in vodka.
hey got me stoned for the first time when i was 14. there is no bond stronger
oh ps. last night you kept telling me to calm down because everything was fine cause you were getting "arab money"...
I'm using my ex boyfriends dog to find a guy at the park I could see fuck buddy potential in. I'm the queen of irony.
They're not that bad of drunks, they come back to the vehicle with more stuff than they went in with, so its a profitable venture.
The only way I can describe the noise he makes when he has an orgasm: dying walrus.
Hindsight: Dressing up in nothing but a bra, booty shorts, and police tape made for the most awkward walk of shame of my life.
Well then sir I'll probably see you tomorrow after my class and at 3 with your clothes off. Sounds like a solid way to start the weekend to me
I grinded with the guy who brought the scooter, I'm leaving with success
No like he has curves. I remember thinking he had a nicer body than me
conclusion from last night: i should wear boob glitter more often
holy shit! you were walking down a hill and just happened to be passing a trash can like 4 ft away and projectile vomited over a fence into the trash can. kept walking and drank a beer.
Randomize