you didnt remember my name all night. you kept referring to me as "the blonde with the fat ass"
I should do something nice for her. Like sign her up for "What Not To Wear."
I came home drunk to my night light on and a Hershey's bar on my bed. Mom knows me too well.
Also I feel like 60% of our relationship is based on sausage mcmuffins.
Will you come get her? She's trying to get the pizza guy into the bathtub.
He just took a bite of each taco bell burrito and hid them throughout my apartment. this was 2 weeks ago and have found 30 burritos so far
The worst thing about him living around the corner is that who ever suggests the booty call is the one that walks over.
A gay guy went down on me in the club bathroom and then fixed my makeup for me
its gonna be a great night
This is gonna be a long day for my vagina and I
He walked around my apt complex completely naked and started peeing in the maintenance because he thought it was the bathroom. So yeah, pretty drunk.
I'm deleting Tinder. I got there he rubbed my back and then proceeded to jerk off on me.
It's not even a normal fucking affair I've found myself in. It's a fucking bdsm clusterfuck.
Just stay awake and booze cruise it to class. How are you a senior and have never went to class drunk? No excuses, I have a better gpa.
I have to stay away from bourbon. Despite what it keeps telling me, it is NOT my friend.
You left your pants here again. 4th time in a row. How can you walk home without pants?
Randomize
