yeah i like to chase my xanax with prozac and then viagra. you're up...and then you're UP
halloween costumes for girls are easy, slutty teacher, slutty cop, slutty nurse, etc...
exactly, that's why i want something interesting
slutty neuroscientist?
he must have thought the song was "ejacuate on the dance floor"
I just saw a girl walking up the hill with a little red wagon full of booze... I want to be in her study group.
there's a picture of him beating off in the library with a cowboy hat. please steer clear of this one if you ever want to be respected.
Pretty sure I just had sex with the black kid who grew up in a car from "angels in the outfield"
How come I never meet celebrities?
She just started grabbing all the hospital's rubber gloves and face masks and shoving them in her purse, saying, "My tax money paid for these!"
He ripped off his shirt and tried to give me CPR. That damn bong.
He's dressed as a power ranger handing out cocaine
We got baked and watched the cheetah girls on Netflix
You need to not admit that.
I've fucked 6 of my brothers' friends. I'm completely fine with him fucking the girl we ate lunch with.
I know it's like I wanna bring somebody fun who I haven't drunkenly expressed my feelings for. Or hooked up with. It's a struggle.
Uh I almost got the bride to go down on me. I'm the smoothest maid of honor ever.
Woke up to I'm AWESOME written in purple crayon all over my walls. I love drunk me
No idea who's grandma but people were just running around naked
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