were you the shorter or taller girl out of you two
So just talked to them hahah i like that people sat there and watched as you two made out... They said they even had to refill their beers
I just found a porn show called cleavagefield. no i am not watching.
I've done unspeakable things to your penis. I have every right to give it a name.
Why the fuck did you text me at 4 in the morning telling me not to have sex with the bird?
By the power invested in me, I now pronounce your taco to be meaty. Meaty taco meaty taco meaty meaty meaty taco.
Tid bit for you to add to your "what to expecting when you're expecting to lose your virginity" book... Sex on nyquil is cheaper and BETTER than sex on esctacy AND you sleep like a champ after so you're not able to think about any bad decisions made.
He's bought his dick a cell phone. A cell phone. For his dick...
He gave me the number and told me that I if I want to hook up again, I have to call his penis.
Like, you've got the smoothest dick in the west. Do you moisturize?
Yes I do
I broke my foot jumping out of YOUR window under YOUR watch. You failed me drunk guardian. You failed.
No like I actually peed on the treadmill. As it was running
OH MY GOD did i pee on you?!
YOU GOT ME SO DRUNKK
i got me so drunk!
Reminder to self: never have sex on a trampoline. Trampoline burn hurts worse than carpet burn.
Let's just face it you're going to have an arrangement with your future wife your fuck me on Thursdays
Randomize
