he actually proposed, and i threw up on him...i guess 5 glasses of wine was a bad idea.
You got ahold of his prescription papers and gave out prescriptions for cranberry and vodka
I don't know what it is about vodka that make me ruin relationships.
At one point, you closed your eyes and asked me which 'six flags' we were at
So are you actually going to come fuck me in the ass this weekend, or was that just you being drunk in a kilt?
The lady at target couldn't scan my grocery item and just looked at me and said "just take it. I hate this fucking place". Best munchie adventure yet.
this st patricks day sucks
ill send jameson via bank tube 150+ miles
You asked the bartender if she was trying to get you drunk. She cut you off after that.
He was stoned and starts screaming, "I ain't got but a dollar, I wanna hear waterfalls!". Maybe he can hang with us....
He called his dick the "gentle giant"
I just projectile vomited into my kitchen sink. Today need to be over already.
Remind me to tell you all about the topless girl on the street who attempted to taze me.
My sex toys have been held in customs for almost a month now. They're British, what the hell?!?
Well I got black out drunk before the rehearsal dinner and berated my family with insults. But other then that it was a good time
His mom wants to come see the dorm.
Hide the whip.
Randomize
