She's NOT homeless...she graduated early.
I had to go to the front counter of the restaurant and ask for the key because I was "pretty sure my friend is passed out in the bathroom right now"
He plays me like an instrument...he is the Carlos Santana of my vagina.
Do you think a former stripper/heroin addict constitutes as a high risk sexual partner?
I just reached for my seatbelt when I sat down to pee... Might be a little hungover.
just had to sit in the middle of an aisle in stop and shop because we're too hungover and needed to take a break.
a pansexual with facepaint started fucking a tall black girl on the bed i was sitting on so im going to mcdonalds
He never gives up. He's like the fucking little engine that could of hook ups
The dog just sneezed and it sounded like a person, after I said bless you I freaked the fuck out and got the gun
Would you still love me if my nipple fell off?
We're gonna have to check the security cameras after last night
I have to hand it to her. In my heyday I took home the 'biggest shitshow of the night' award 9 times out of 10. But I passed the torch on to her last night, and she went skipping merrily far and away with it into the enchanted world of aggressive alcoholism. Is this 30?
The best part about theater chicks is nothing is too cliche or out of line. I just fucked her Braveheart style in my entry way while saying goodbye.
I think I gotta smoke less weed, I'm getting to lazy to fuck my girlfriend
I did not get pleasing results from googling “Bob Ross goat”
Randomize
