you were definitelymotorboating random chicks as they walked out of the bar. just like, down the line. you kept yelling "Motor Boats for everyone!!!!"
you're putting all your eggs in a very hungover basket
Fighting the police is like screwing a fat girl, if I'm drunk enough I'll do it
MRIs the morning after St. Patty's Day was a poor choice.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
now that we've slept with the entire soccer team i think its time to expand the horizon.
Well if it makes you feel any better I threw up at Roadhouse. And then on the way to the train. And then in a water fountain. And then in a plastic bag on the train.
Jameson and I invented street rugby last night. Yeah
You started throwing frozen shot glasses at people and you kept saying "it's fine, they melt."
Balls are being tripped. Said meow to my cat and he said yeah cool dude.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just really need a hug and a shower beer
everything in the house taste like gin even the water, friday nite was a success
Today I had sex and flossed at the same time. My relationship goals have been exceeded.
Three times. Three times I left home yesterday in search for sex, and three times I returned un-orgasmed.
You know it’s going to be a rough day when you scream “Get fucked” at your alarm clock
The only thing i ask you for is vegan food and sex.
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