You can only be slapped by Eastern European waitresses so many times. I guess they don't want my huge cock in their iron curtain
Eating a girl out that was just in the ocean does not make her taste like saltwater taffy
Sorry I didn't wanna double team his sister. Having whiskey dick and watching you get laid didn't sound appealing
I usually would've stopped there but I kinda remember opening the bottle of vodka, and we ALL know that's when things go downhill.
the japanese bartender dressed as a cowboy in assless chaps just told me i was too drunk for another shot
My roommate said I banged on the wall and said, "this dude eats pussy like a champ."
I only think it appropriate to apologize for making out with your next boyfriend. It won't happen again.
Day 1 of the Fuck Your Ex weekend has been productive. Already boned Steph and we're both still glad we arnt together anymore.
Don't feel sorry for me. I'm getting Red Lobster and sex tonight. Nothing can bring me too far down.
For the past year I have been the most responsible I have ever been in my entire life and now spring break is here and there is free penis just traipsing around my entire town. The game is afoot.
Did you high five my face last night?
Yes. Yes I did.
Which one of you fucks put a bounty out on my brother's virginity?
I woke up and my pants were in the kitchen but my shoes were next to my bed. Do the math...
And thank god for autocorrect cuz I can't even think in English let alone spell in it right now.
The last time I saw you, you were giving the stripper a lap dance.
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