I figured girls wouldn't be down to sleep w/ a guy who plugged a pregnant chick
i just sat at a stop sign for 10 minutes waiting for it to turn green. i need to STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT.
Dude. I tried to convince her to eat poprocks and give me a blowjob. It did not work out well.
I was so high that i was talking shit about a girl I was with via text, and I handed the phone to her so she could type the shit I was trying to say.
Yeah it was hard to find an opportunity while fucking him to say "oh the reason my lips taste so salty is because i blew your roomate 15 minutes ago"
These pubs in Ireland act like hand jobs aren't the universal currency
Solid teamwork gives us a good shout of both bringing home trophy cougs
seis de mayo is my least favoite holiday because i usually spend it in bed sobbing over my poor life decisions from the night before.
I can't find a song to express how gay I'm feeling.
I think clothing becomes optional at the second date! But you seem like a rule breaker
I was gonna be Romantic and write your name in emoji eggplants but A's are hard
He played Harry Potter Fan Fiction videos to get me in the mood. He might be the one.
I'm not a morning person, and, trust me, no matter how good your cock may be, it will not turn me into one.
She bruised my penis again. But, trooper I am we kept on going.
Just set the kids up with doughnuts downstairs so I could go up and masturbate uninterrupted. I am such a good mom.
Randomize
