i just went dwnstairs and there are 5 guys without their shirts on hugging each other. i think i should leave now
i went to disney world today with my friends, met snow white, then saw her later at a bar. she is naked next to me in her bed, passwed out. when you wish upon a star...
One of my friends found 6 bags of gummy bears on the roof. He lives a building over. Apparently even hammered you still have quite an arm
I just had one of those moments where i was really sad that i'll never get to be asian.
Ok say I was sexually attracted to a patient who also happens to be in high school...on how many levels is that illegal? And will I actually hear the laws break when I fuck him
The idea of snorting emergen-c actually just crossed my mind.
She said to bring taco sauce. Hoping that's a euphemism.
I might have been the first person to be rolling balls at a referee seminar
We are buying drugs from a guy with a Jesus fish on his dodge caravan.
I just baby talked my cat. While getting ready for bed... Before 10 on a Friday. I'm officially a cat lady.
I'm more worried that you thought licking a pole on Bourbon street would turn me on
I think my fortune cookie is telling me I give good blowjobs.
Got her pregnant in a minivan. Circle of life.
The good news is I woke up fully clothed, on top of my covers, with a half eaten granola bar. So, breakfast was waiting for me and I’m already dressed and ready to go today.
Never underestimate the power of titties
Randomize
