I can text with my tongue
What part of "waking up in the crawl space of my house with a raccoon" sounds like a good night to you?
My roomate just said the he would "tap dat" to the 13 out of control girl on maury. Im finding a new place in the morning.
His was the first dick to ever be in my mouth... Of course I'm going to the wedding.
He was streaking. We were hammered. We had roman candles. It only made sense to shoot them at him.
Man, jail baloney is awful.
I'm sure that's not what the inventers of the Turkey baster had in mind, but that's what I had in mine.
I ended up staying at a police station for being a witness in a public masturbation case..NOW do you believe me that I've never had a good St. Patrick's Day?
Everyone is slow dancing to Aerosmith. I am serenading a slice of pizza.
she gave me her number and i just said "no. cant."
So many Oreos I'm regretting this decision already but I'm happy at the same time...The straddle is real
Struggle. Not straddle. I'm not straddling anyone.
There is a Victoria's Secret pageant on right now with Taylor Swift singing in lingerie. I didn't know a penis could get this erect.
the worst fight me and my gf ever had was over Guy fieri
That shit was hard as fuck. It felt like a mountain entering my vagina.
Hahahaha. He sent me a dick snap in the lululemon stockroom. What is life. If this works out, this could benefit everyone....
Randomize
