I just had unprotected sex with a stranger. but i did him wearing nothing but my pearls. so its classy.
I'm drinking a margarita out of my 'best bj' trophy and it tastes like victory.
just did awkward shuffle by the bagels in the dining hall at 7:30 AM with a kid i've hooked up with. goodbye freshman year.
I should take him calling me "a freak of nature" after sex as a compliment, right??
I must say your penis is just as photogenic as you
I made my rape whistle into a roach clip device. FRESHMAN YEAR!
He was completely serious when he said my boobs were like "majestic white clouds."
i just declared my major based on how close the department building was to our apartment. laziness has been brought to a new level
He just lit his joint with the tiki torches around his pool. He is definitely coming to my future parties
Where the hell did all of these gingers come from? It's like they crawled out of their shame-caves for st Patrick's day.
I'm at his house right now making him pancakes to compensate for YOU not giving him a handjob last night. You're welcome.
I passed out in all my clothes. like my purse too..and with a cup of water next to me..and my last tweet last night was "Bye."
So doing the math I dated almost 2 of me in penises. Like, if I you layed them out lengthwise it would be 2 times my height.
Have you ever gotten so angry that you stripped in public?
I swear it’s like he’s filling my soul via my vagina
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