That poor girl was naked and had to be at a job interview in an hour
which bright sisters idea was it to put semi-formal in the middle of no-shave november?
I drove you home. there is no excuse for wrecking your car 3 hours later.
Sometimes to bang a cougar u gotta play wii With her kids
your tears are not going to buy me drinks...
It's official. Every single female in their late teens and early 20s get their fb statuses from a pool of cliched "quotes" which all say, without saying, "boys treat me like shit, I know they do, but one day I'll find 'the guy' who will treat me right no matter how psychotic I am." Vom.
he said I could live with him because I'm cheaper than a dog and don't need a pet deposit. That and I don't piss on the carpet...
you are not perverted enough for this relationship to work out.
She just face-timed her mom and had her watch all of us toast to her grandmas tits..
he does have a point though, watching you drink makes me never want to drink again
I donkey kicked that mother fucker. Never stood a chance.
It was a door. A completely inanimate object, of course it didn't stand a chance you idiot.
no, you don't understand how much people deal here. All I had to say was "hey lets buy a bag" and he pulled over instantly, then the randoms in the car behind us pulled over and sold us a bag.
Last night I dreamt that I sold my car and used the money to have wheels surgically implanted in my feet and legs so I became a human heely and I just rolled everywhere
I have drunkenly angered a family of raccoons. Please send help immediately.
The good news is I woke up fully clothed, on top of my covers, with a half eaten granola bar. So, breakfast was waiting for me and I’m already dressed and ready to go today.
Randomize
