Tell him ill love him long time
I'll assure him of it
I was just told by a cop that my party was the most epic party they ever crashed
He noticed there was ketchup on his shirt and took it off. Noticed there were people there and put it back on. Then he saw the ketchup again. He must have taken his shirt on and off about 6 times
my life is one jail cell away from being a bad country music song.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Considering the fact that you wouldn't give me my cat last night because he was "destined for broadway", yeah, I'm accusing you of stealing him
well its a long story but basically i overcame many cockblocks
I think I'm interested in anyone that recognizes I actually have a pulse
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
Thanks for bailing me out last night guys. it's bullshit that everbeering people at bars is illegal. bitches have no sense of adventure anymore
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Hey my vagina is like a company. Everyone has an equal opportunity....
Shirley Temple died. We owe it to her to get dirty shirley wasted.
I was chasing pulls of fireball with bites of a bagel and yelling at people to take tequila shots with me. I shouldn't be allowed to go out alone.
I mean, if there was a version of you with a penis, you'd fuck it...right? Like just outta curiosity at least
please tell me he didn't just scream 'i am the yiff lord' at the cops
Just remembered sticking my head out the window as i drove us to walmart and yelling that i was a golden retriever.
Also, sorry for verbally assaulting you when you asked if you could dump the bowl.
Randomize