i want to fuck
?
it's pretty self explanatory
There's a pair of socks on the bar. No-one's questioned this.
the best thing about long term relationship is that the fact that i bothered to shave my legs today counts as a valentines gift
You convinced her to break up with her boyfriend, made out with her all night, got her to buy us all shots then went home with a different girl...
That explains the "i hate you" text. But the facebook deletion is a bit harsh
you were passed out so I asked you what my name was and you opened your eyes and yelled "ricotta cheese"
no way
that's when i decided you were gonna be okay
I can't feel my tongue. And that means go. Green means go. And you know what Barney says. Green means go and woah means no. DRIIIIINKK
You said you were uncomfortable with your body and then you started making whale noises
He ran into the surf holding up a cigarette yelling "let the Olympic games begin!" So no, no vodka left.
I woke up naked to an alarm set for 11:18 pm and missing a shoe. How was your night?
How the fuck am I supposed to enjoy a third ice day from school if I only bought enough alcohol for 2?
I don't know, maybe act like an adult who teaches children for a living
It's like we're not even friends
Do you think it would be a margarita if you just out tequila in a sonic slush?
.... I'm on a random couch somewhere in Newark wrapped in a Lightning McQueen blanket
it was the kind of sex that I don't even know how my hair extentions are still in
I think my moral compass just broke
How’s big weiner McGee?
I’m going to ask you one last time to call him Matt and he’s fine thank you very much
Randomize
