mmm... i enjoy making beautiful women smile
my orientation roommate looks just like New York of Flavor Flav fame
He said my breasts were God's way of making up to him for all the shit he's had to endure in his life.
Woke up with string cheese braided into my hair- literally braided
We're gonna have the chick that teaches kindergarteners to fold origami roll the joints.
Ever have a day where u just waNna wake up get a blow job eat food and chill I just want today to be that day
God that barista is texting me bout his life like i care i mean dude just hook me up with free coffee thats why i gave you my number
do you remember yelling at the waitress that you were a power bottom?
So roofie roulette was a success but I'm a little worried that the 2 who got the tainted beer still haven't contacted anyone...
She sent pictures and the names of her 2 cats and her dog and told me that I should be happy to have met the whole family.
You must be good in bed dude
In my dream, you became a famous tap-dancer. Congratulations.
Is this a drinking picnic?
Is there another kind?
She pinched my nipples out of nowhere as I was about to come... I think I found god
how should I feel if a guy kept complimenting my bangs while I was giving him a blowjob?
Now I am free. And I want to go meet men. My phone deleted all my contacts, and I consider this to be a new beginning. With a new man in my phone book.
Randomize
