well on the bright side, he charges $60 for an eighth
so he'll probably take me somewhere nice
YOU CAN MICROWAVE POPTARTS!?!??!
I have a critically important question to ask.
Why does watermelon-flavoured candy exist?
No, the sea-green pills were klonopin, the bright blue ones are adderall. you're probably going to have to adjust your plans for the day.
for once, the $56 i am about to pay for plan b was actually worth the sex.
She's a freaking stalker dude, it's like having some kind of cartoon animal just following around everywhere
My mom asked me if I ever go on dates. I had to suppress the urge to ask if having casual sex with a freshmen counts as dating
We are no longer allowed to have pre 4th party week. I woke up with a donut stuck to my face and 'MILF' written in black marker on my stomach.
Mother of the Year
Just traded a shot of whiskey for a warm PBR on public transit. It's that's sort of night already.
Remind me to tell you how I've been deaf since Sunday at 1245
She told me she loved my new hairstyle. I told her its called head head.
DUDE FUCK CALL ME SHE HAS GRANDKIDS
MY BUTT IS BIG ENOUGH FOR AN ANACONDA AND HE DOESNT GET TO ENJOY IT TOUGH SHIT
do you know of a way I can die but like NOT die? like not being unconcious, just ascending to an astral plane for a few weeks or months in real world time so i can sort my issues out away from the rigors of life kinda deal, you know?
Hi I love you will you be up for a while!
That exclamation point was a drunk decision
Randomize
