glad you had fun, i did too. am rubbing aloe on my butt now.
Why do i always get involved with 3 women at once?
Because life brings drama and thus like moths to a flame, women
The cops walked in to class and arrested 2 guys for possession.
please hold off on going into labor, i might need you to take me to the free clinic
I was going to make out with him...then he licked syrup off the kitchen floor.
This should be a warning to men everywhere: do not send pictures of your erect penis to women you hardly know - they will add cats and send them to all of their friends.
What if our hands were octopus tentacles?
You're an idiot.
I just did something so unspeakable in the panera bathroom that their health score dropped 10 points.
Well the weed wore off around 10:30 and then the date dragged on until about 1 in the morning. So I've decided I really need to start smoking closer to the actual start time of a date. Then maybe they'd be more bearable.
Omg just opened my passenger side door and my outfit from last night is on the floorboard.
Aaaaand my mom is wearing jeggings...
Well I didn't get a shacker shirt but I somehow managed to come home with superman socks
We have been dating for 5 months. I'm friends with his sister. Yet my number in his phone is still saved as "hot bartender"
What the hell was that?
Genius. It was sheer genius.
My orgasm happened in two different decades
Randomize
