It was kinda bitchy last night when i brought up my pregnancy scare and you said "shotty playing with it"
we need to stop having unprotected sex.
ya i know. we're like the secret life of the american whores.
It's been five and a half years since she and my brother stopped dating. I feel like that's a long enough grace period. Going for it.
I just found like 5 packs of sparklers. If someone doesn't get set on fire tonight I am retiring from party hosting.
Besides asking our teacher if he enjoyed being fisted did I have any other tragic moments last night?
just found out they live across the street from coke dealers... rethinking the new years resolution
In a weird way, I don't want to stalk him on Facebook. I want to find out what's wrong with him the old-fashioned way. Is this what it means to be romantic?
I think that's the key to being an adult though... Get those rapid fire beer shits out I the way early, then you can go about your grown man business
i meant to type that i went to that party for shits and giggles, but my phone corrected me and said for shots and goggles...either one works
Nope. I've found you care about two things in life: your momma and spreading your seed.
I guess the wine stains on your shirt and the $2 vodka tonics you're sweating out just scream, "Welcome to DC, please ask me for directions."
Can my mom come with to the bar? Prince just died and I feel like I need to take her out to cheer her up.
How does one tell their boyfriend they're pregnant with someone else's kid??
it's like that time i was drunk at relay for life. but with balloon animals...
scotch tastings during the week is a baaad idea. i woke up w no pants but wearing my winter coat
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