Just saw a man in a wheel chair using his feet to push himself backwards through a crosswalk... good morning Atlanta
He was singing Will Smith Just the Two of Us to his burrito. That high.
Two man bar crawl was hectic. Just found leaves in my pocket.
Just took a final in the room where I lost my virginity. I think it was god luck.
Just saw 30+ dicks. Explain later.
There's half of a squirrel in the bathtub - i figured you'd be the one to go to.
How's your threesome situation going?
Optimistic
Yeahhh, everybody is so helpful when a pretty girl is crying hysterically and has only one shoe and a six pack.
I can't believe you didn't come out. There was a duckling ON THE BAR!
Her instagram is literally selfies, cats, and guys she's fucked.
Mischief managed.
YOU ARE NOT A MARAUDER, WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO NOW?
Puked in my purse on my Uber ride home last night. Safe to say it's not a good idea to beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
Wearing Navy dress whites to a wedding is like having a magical panty removing device. I've never cockblocked a whole room just by existing before.
Let me get this straight. You stopped mid foreplay to shave your legs?
Um yeah. I wasn't about to shave them if nothing was happening. And I have HBO. It's not like he's the victim here.
are you really asking me this. do you KNOW how many times i masturbate in a day? yeah. wrong person to ask about romance.
Randomize
