My moms helping me unpack but im getting a little nervous because I dont remember where i put my dildo
my math teacher staples burger king applications to failed tests
I knew the cheap date at Taco Bell would backfire because it makes even the most pre-cautious girls involuntary fart in public
While we were making out, he kept yelling at me for not coming to his wedding last month.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I only know two things that kitchen floors are good for... sex and quesadillas that got dropped. You know, the five second rule
Okay. We're coming naked. We need Saran wrap and plastic forks.
Last night I passed a kidney stone as I came inside her. Worst. Experience. Ever.
I said that I'm avoiding parties and guys, and the freshman girl just laughed
I threw a dessert topping at a baby tonight so drink up! If you stay sober tonight I will be very disappointed in you.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He was so fat that he broke two of my ribs
Maybe it's time to stop screaming I'm a chubby chaser every time you enter a drinking establishment
If the smell of things stopped me from putting things in my mouth. I wouldn't be popular with Grindr guys.
you hit your head on the sneeze guard and passed out at Pizza Hut they called the police
Went and sat in the wrong fucking class for 30 mins, answering questions and shit. What ever this is i will be on it for the rest of the semester.
Nice. I got home at like 3am.stopped at Walmart for a vacuum and weirdly a trash can. Not sure why high me last night needed a new trashcan.
Slept on the bathroom floor again. I hope when I turn 28 I’ll stop doing that
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