I kiss like a newly born barfing kangaroo
JACOB AND UGLY BROKE UP
kill, fuck, marry: alice cullen, hermione granger, ginny weasley.
damn... fuck alice for sure, I feel bad but i think I have to say marry ginny... and kill hermoine! I can't believe I'm answering this right now.
i feel sorry for the hotel staff that makes the bed after we have sex
she said 'i love fried rice', threw a condom at me and passed out naked.
He got 20 stiches.. Who knew so much damage could come from a single shopping cart.
Everything gets a little fuzzy after the flats of jello shots, but I do have a vague recollection of being at the top of a large human pyramid
Tell him I'm the girl who was excited he spoke English. Then ask him where he picked me up from.
a guy just walked up to us....drank the rest of my beer....and said sorry for my loss before walking away.
FALSE ALARM! I didn't piss myself, I fell asleep in the shower and then drunkingly crawled into my bed
Sorry about the flaming shit on your door
I never thought I'd be in my late 20s and send that text
He probably thinks you're playing hard to get.
Hard to get?? I'm playing leave me the fuck alone.
I'm so busy i barely have time to have sex with myself. I have to talk myself into it like an old married couple.
Why is there never any toilet paper at his apartment? What does he wipe his ass with? WHAT DOES HE WIPE IT WITH?!?
He said his parents were apparently coming over to surprise him with breakfast and I’ve never gotten dressed and run out of the door that quickly. I have commitment issues.
Randomize
