Dude she looked like Jerry Garcia's knuckles
New plan, instead of sleeping with her, I'm just going to use her to sleep with the entire sorority.
They thought I was the paid stripper pretty much, and a lady tried to set me up with her nephew and then wanted to get my number for lesbian daughter... A typical night for me
every time i recognize a doctor or patient at the hospital on this rotation, i just pray it's not from my blackout saturday makeout slut moments...professionalism shouldn't count on weekends
I joined a mariachi band. they gave me a guitar because i told them i could play. It actually turned out ok
They kicked me out of the mariachi band. Turns out I'm not that good
I wish I could sell my textbooks directly to my drug dealer and cut out the middle man
Did i mention i'm like the equivilent of a prepubescent boy suffering from preejaculacy? I just about creamed my pants when he grabbed my hand..
No longer is one of my lifelong dreams to ride in a kangaroo pouch. You have eternally ruined that for me. Thank you.
Don't blame me. I told you I didn't know if I had a key to those hancuffs.
I'm tripping balls on ambien right now and I still feel that's a bad idea.
Nothing says summer like lemonaid, but nothing says fuck yeah summer like lemonaid and vodkavodka
I slept naked with a towel wrapped around my waist in case I pissed the bed again
Upon further investigation my nipples are bruised and I have teeth marks all over.
I think I just sharted jello shots
He’s older
Like “has a job and pays his bills” older or “still watches porn on DVD because he can’t figure out the Internet” older?
Randomize