ally, we are sitting by a fire and you are totally hot. no pun intended
i'm sending her a home depot gift card for the hole i put in her wall. call it good?
Are you seriously picking mariokart over a blowjob? nott to sound like a bitch but seriously?
Ive been sitting around naked watching magic on youtube.
It wasn't random sex though, it was almost a relationship, built on lies and sex
What's worse: not calling my parents in Dallas to make sure they're alright or not taking shelter to masturbate all over my douchebag roommates clothes?
I worry about you.
At least I'm doing lines with a notecard. That counts for something right
Bang-toberfest begins!!
You should probably stop your little brother from ruining thanksgiving. I just caught him trying to stuff a cake in a drawer... And now he's puking.
I lost my flask somewhere between dancing shirtless to The Spice Girls and walking around Wawa opening/eating things and putting them back.
I was going through my settings and the phone randomly started playing "Crazy Little Thing Called Love" by Dwight Yoakum. Out loud. At full volume. I was shitting. There were 3 other people in the bathroom. I love iOS 7.
Is it just me or is Michael Jackson blasting throughout the house
don't let your emotions get tangled in that sexy beard of his.
Woke up to find my underwear in my purse to only remember I took them off at the airport
You shoulda seen me try and clean up custard from an eclair off the floor while trying to pretend to be sober for my mom. Fucking hilarious.
Randomize
