I figured out why I insisted on leaving my sweater on the ground outside. I smelled it and I'm 97% sure I peed on it last night
Except there is my pee all over the walls now
They're putting plan B in vending machines now. My life just got so much easier.
My liver was like a college freshman on spring break. It would've danced topless on tables if it could have.
But he's not just anonymous male genitalia anymore. I've met him, I've seen his face.
Dude are you wearing a trashbag right now?....
I seemed to have misplaced my pants...
It's not even close to Halloween but there is a girl in a nurses outfit. Twerk or twat.
Hah I guess I sent that to like ten people, along with another one of me sitting in a bath tub eating an ice cream sandwich.
Let's say hypothetically if you were going to put icing on a penis and then lick it clean...what would you ice it with? Not a knife right?
he brought with him gifts of cookie dough and penis. upgrading our relationship from fwb's to bf/gf was an incredibly smart merger.
Well statistically J has a 1 in 3 chance of hospitalization when downtown
And a 3 for 3 for disapeearing
Listen, I've got balls in my face can I call you back
And Mike keeps telling Will that love at first sight is true and this is just a shit show. Help.
I wore the clothes I got arrested in last night to work today.....there is no where but up from here!
i'm not sure you can trust me in a car with 20 dozen donuts
Randomize
