I am watching Grease 2 and properly learning how to apply a condom to a banana. This is a sign from God that this is the closest I will ever get to having the need for one.
Someone obviously heard us on their way to class. They stopped at my door and started singing afternoon delight.
Do you ever look back at facebook pics and say, "are those really guys I had sex with?"
Never again let me pretend to be australian for free booze.
You should have been there. We got drunk and threw a sword through his windshield.
Of course she said it wasn't that good, I don't bring my A game to pity fuck the thrice divorced girl from work
I feel like you pissing on my ping pong table isn't something to be proud of.
We should start a Help That Bitch Out Fund and split the donations evenly between you two.
my longitudinal study of the long term effects of sloth and alchol-intake is nearly complete.
so you are graduating this semester.
So ran into your ex from sophomore year last night... Apparently hes gay and a stripper now. we all got lap dances because we knew you
Also-when I die, I want it to be with my arms above my head so that when rigor mortis sets in, my breasts are perky.
Wait... so you had sex and then your ear drum ruptured? I'm not sure if I want to ask if the two are related...
Should I rub the neighbors amazon package in the dog shit they left on the front steps?
Like he legitimately was standing straight up, feet on the roof, not holding on to a moving car.
So... my daughter's new girlfriend Is the daughter of the girl I dated on and off in college Who ran away because she got pregnant at my house party. My Legitimate daughter Is probably fucking my Illegitimate daughter...
Randomize
