There was a fist fight in my basement last night at four in the morning, in case you were wondering
dude this 15 year old girl saw our youtube vid and just facebook messaged me saying i was verry verry pretty. i have no schemas for how to respond to this situation.
woah 15?
i know! what is this dateline?
i called my mom using *69 and said this was the principal and Matt has a snow a day today. she believed me.
I think all I remember saying is, "I love Chris Berman's voice" and then I passed out
Oh god I think I promised some guy from high school that I'd be his fuck buddy in like 3 months
you are never too drunk for berry picking
You get home okay?
I'm pantless and in bed
That doesn't mean you're at home.
Only you could make a stripper uncomfortable by eye fucking her too much.
As soon as the clock wound down to zero, she declared "HALF-TIME HEAD" and pulled down my pants. After the swallow, she said "BEER CHASER," got me a new one, and asked if she could make me a sandwich. Pretty sure she's lobbying hard for a ring.
Dude. She came to my room in nothing but a trench coat. Took it off and said, "you like" in her Costa Rican accent. God I love college.
Lesson learned:nothing good comes from an at home wax kit.
There's a potato with a bite taken out of it in the kitchen
Thirty seconds is a long time in jizz time...
You've got the chocolate, drugs and my pants. You hold all the cards...
Of course his biggest mistake was assuming that I ever gave a fuck to begin with.
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