just do him I won't tell jon
um i'm guessing you meant to send this to tina, thanks for the support in our relationship you whore
at the topless march for equality..and wow.not all these boobs should be treated equally
this girl is having heart failure because she lost her feather...a gypsy blessed it in turkey. Not sure im high enough for this
So the same day I accidentally bought waterproof mascara is the day I accidentally had shower sex. The world is finally on my side.
I'm stranded in the Hampton area. Looks like I'm going to have to take one for the team and pass out by this applebees.
I just burped jalapeños and cum. That was the most disgusting thing ever.
I inadvertently smoked 6 blunts at one time. We just kept passing them around...I didn't know what happened until it was over. I can't walk.
Why is hotel staff askin about the blood in our room
Whoever put the rooster in the elevator is my fucking hero. Who even thinks of that shit?
Why are you there anyways?
Pickin up ball pit balls from craigslist
this old dude from the bar is giving me a ride home in a van, his bumper sticker says " don't laugh your kids could be in here" scary world ou here
we got kicked out of the bar last night for sneaking into the back kitchen and eating handfulls of cheese in the walk in fridge
How much do souls cost? I feel like I need one if those.
There is a huge fucking spider in my bathroom....I can just burn our apartment down right? What do you need me to grab?
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog.
Randomize
