Rosebud was a fucking sled. Gay.
he thought he was parachuting out of a plane... talk about a bad trip.
She punched my vomit. In midair. Back into my mouth.
She just face-timed her mom and had her watch all of us toast to her grandmas tits..
Just a heads up, i'm sleeping in te back seat of your car so don't be freaked out when you see me in the A.M.
Idk. Im in a bed. the walls are wood. There's a deer mount.. im afraid to turn over and see who's next to me but he's violently cuddly.
You just threw your burrito at the passing teenage couple and yelled "It's never gonna last" of course your were a shit show
I'm sitting at work trying to dust glitter off my pants. I can't hang out with her anymore.
I would have been the big man on campus...just flop my wang out on the table and how them what they were gonna deal with if they dropped the soap
Would you like to partake in getting high as fuck with your best friend and then proceeding to cry over the shit head guys we deal with?
Being single/not living at home sucks. All I want is someone I can force to pick up my pizza for me so I don't have to talk to anyone.
I just had a very enlightening conversation with my hat. we need more of whatever the fuck that was.
GOOGLE HAS JUST RELEASED AN UPDATE THAT ALLOWS YOU TO CATCH POKEMON USING MAPS. Pack your shit, our time has COME.
I'm going to start using the hurricane naming system for my hangovers. Hangover Agatha is a real bitch today.
Remind me to tell you about this weekend with them. It was the least fun I have ever had drinking. And I have thrown up pork and beer through my nose on the side of the freeway.
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