I would like to be the first to explain to you that if you've woken up with bruised knuckles this morning, it's because last night you tried climbing out of our car window and into the drive through window at maccas. The cashier chick freaked out and slammed the window on you and beat you around the head with her headset thingy.
Shittttttt.
Be not ashamed. It was youtube-worthy.
No, I can't hang out with Dave because he already has a girlfriend. The one with the tatoos of cherries on her "cherry." Yeah, she doesn't really make me feel spectacularly comfortable.
these 2 russian guys walked past me and i got freaked out because i thought call of duty got real
just convinced brandon semen are bugs that crawl in your pants and make gooey juice. now hes convinced he has them lmao
Your kinda stuck between a rock and his hard dick on this one..
She literally crushed my balls between her butt cheeks. It was both the greatest and worst thing ever. Dancers are awesome.
Apparently my type is "guy whose parents had unprotected sex on Halloween". Last week was my ex's, my FWB's, and the guy I'm seeing's birthdays.
traded hat for shot of whiskey. lovah yo life. only ADVENTURE NOW. OH GOD IT WENT TO CAPS LOCK
I sang him a lovely rendition of 'So Long and Thanks For All the Fish", but replaced fish with dick.
When that bartender tried to tell us he sang like Sade, I knew it was time to go
future reference: when you get a text that says "WARNING: EXPLICIT PHOTOS BEING DELIVERED. VIEWERS DISCRETION IS ADVISED." you always open the attached picture.
you're now officially the 3000 mile booty call. congrats.
I just saw puke on the road at the same stoplight i threw up at sunday morning! Makes me smile inside.
We are so disgustingly codependent and I wouldn't have it any other way
Alex thinks he can revoke my dick privileges haha.
Isn't he the one getting all the privileges ?
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