just come out here and I will go home with you...
My "High Times" magazine came in today, as well as my girlfriend's new sex toys. We're calling in sick today.
I just set a weed brownie on fire in the microwave.
Successful day.
just saw a girl come out of the tanning bed room on crutches, now thats determination
All I learned from that experience was that drinking scotch out of a crunk goblet was bad news.
Just ran into that guy that tried to take a dump in your pool
She gave me a handjob at the dinner table while her dad was carving the turkey. I made eye contact with him. Im pretty sure he knew.
Note to self: Do not bring gift bag with cock ring inside to family Christmas. Leave to unwrap at home.
He won't let me go to the bars unless I can manage to get flip flops on.
Sounds like he's doing this for your own good...
I guess she was just worried I'd end up sleeping with you again
It's not too late to disappoint her you know...
I tried to smoke out of half a banana, and lit my nose hair on fire. So I feel like that sums up my life pretty well.
I'm questioning my decision to swallow this morning while my stomach was in hangover mode
you know my pussy doesn't know between good and evil
were you aware we were supposed to be taking care of her hamster this weekend?
I think my stomach is breaking up with me. It's giving me back everything I ever gave it.
Randomize
