Booty call?
Dude you don't even follow my twitter
its like think what a normal person would think but completely the opposite.
sorry for making everyone realize you look like bruce jenner
i think she just faxed a picture of her vag from the office copy machine... i mean what kind of sexting is that... wait is that even legal???
Within the span of 10 minutes, I managed to make a slip 'n slide on his stomach, threatened to pee on him, kneed myself in the eye, and almost fell asleep on the toilet....in that order.
Why are there so many fucking Lambchop puppets hidden around my house?!
It's like he drunk calls 6 times for me to come over, but can't say hello at lunch.
He stopped in the middle of us banging in order to check in for his Southwest flight.
My roommates don't agree with the whole tv in the bathroom idea. Fucking barbarians.
Fell asleep on kitchen floor again, chicken nuggets everywhere.
Walked into the bathroom and saw a Minion eating out Harley Quinn so this Halloween will be hard to top.
Whose dick am I looking at? There are too many possibilities at the moment.
You had sex with a kid to spare him the shame of being a virgin. Evidence is on my side.
All I remember is talking the cops into calling us a cab instead of giving us PIs while trying to wake up your passed-out-on-a-bench ass.
Drinking is such a hassle. I wish I could just press a button and be drunk.
Randomize
