2:45a: Any chance you got 3000 bucks on you?
I just saw a girl play flip cup with only her tongue
I'm in love
Through a series of unfortunate circumstances, I think I just sprayed lime juice on my vagina.
I havnt been this mad since the coche de Los murtos incident
did you by any chance leave me that 7 minute long voicemail of you running and constantly tripping into bushes?
Looks like breakfast in bed is out the window. She can't get up because I "fucked her into paralysis." My stomach is not happy with my dick right now
Come to wine Wednesday bro. We have a fog machine
Your topless pictures make me question reality
The "don't have sex with him again" alerts you set on my phone just started going off.
Good. "Seriously, don't do it" should start in about five minutes.
so dehydrated I couldn't fill the pee cup to the right line for my drug test for school. I was like sorry it was my birthday yesterday
Well, I currently have zero fuckboys and my vibrator just broke. A fresh start to May.
We just had sex in the shed while having a conversation about cheeseburgers...so that's how my day is going
When you can't finish your jumbo margarita and figure pouring it into a to go box will suffice... Midnight snack?
I made out with a 40 year old and told her we were dating then got kicked out of a gay bar. This is the day I stop drinking.
Is talking to an iron man poster a good or bad indicator that you've been drinking too much?
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