On a scale from 0 to 24...wait, 3 to 24, where 6 is the lowest and 12 is the highest, how freaking high re you right now?
never try to heat up a hot pocket in the dryer if ur microwave breaks...bad idea.
It's gotten to the point where even copying off yahoo answers is still way too much work.
It's amazing the difference a day and 2000 mg of antibiotic make. Nine days to go.
Well I scaled a 3 story building last night to get laid. What have u done for ur penis lately?
the only compliment i could think of for this chick was that she looked 'moderately attractive'
Penises. Everywhere.
You're. Welcome.
So I think I might just embrace the awkwardness and say he fingerblasted her cause thats the greatest word in existence
So I just chugged the rest of the wine in my mug so I would have something to eat my corn flakes in. With a plastic fork. I need a dishwasher
And maybe a life coach?
Nope. I've found you care about two things in life: your momma and spreading your seed.
WHO GIVES HANDJOBS AT 8 IN THE FUCKING MORNING
I'm sexting at my family's 4th of July BBQ and I feel no shame....
Long story short I shit on a sidewalk while walking with multiple people. Then sprinted around the streets of Tallahassee in only gym shorts as I tore my toga off and wore it as a cape.
color coded lube a great way to organize my bootie calls
I forget, are we banging TA’s for grades this semester or not?
Depends on how cute he is
Randomize
