Is it sanitary to roast marshmallows over a cigarette lighter?
I just found a 1/2 inch of mimosa in my shoe.
You should get more absorbent shoes.
I just witnessed Grandma making her infamous daiquiris. Extraordinary.
and my loofah got caught on my nipple ring in the shower today. what an awful experience.
scarred for life. way too high and witnessed some chick give a dude head on the dance floor
Would you feed me pudding while my fake tan dries?
Just got a blowjob from a coed in exchange for saving her an iPhone 5 when I get them in stock. Sometimes it's awesome to be a Verizon employee.
I am not getting you a goat.
Fair enough. I am not going out with you. The goat was not negotiable.
I have invented a new game to play on campus. It's called "Mormons or Pledges?" It's fantastic.
Please tell me I made it home with both shoes on
Nope
Well if YOU HAVE TO KNOW, we're laying across the street from the bar on that grassy hill trying to see who's she's with at the bar.
So, anyways, aside from wanting to seduce my roommate for booze, how's everything been
No I don't. You owe me sex and cinnamon rolls.
We haven't had hot water in our dorm all weekend. Do you know if there is any other way to wash off shame?
he tied his pants around my leg to stop the bleeding... i think he just wanted a good excuse to take his pants off
well did it work?
it was a success in both ways.
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