Played the LOTR drinking game last night. Ended up in boxers running thru the lot at ross's place screaming "for frodo"
I think I took your hangover as a birthday present
He said he's was gunna give me some pain meds. I'm not sure what they are but I just gave him a thumbs up
I don't care what anyone says I want strippers at my funeral.
we agreed that it was acceptable to get the cat high as long as we gave her a lot of food.
You were jumping on the trampoline and screaming that you couldn't feel the fire.
Ok so you know that's gonna be legally viewed as kidnapping, right?
Dude did I even see you at the bar. Cause I was for sure there then the next second apparently I was crying next to my Christmas tree because nobody believed in me.
I woke up missing my shoes and my left eyebrow. MY. EYEBROW.
I'm having a hard time eating my sandwich knowing how many different buttholes my hands were in last night.
I tried to text you about going to the Lion's Den but sent it to my boss. She was down for it. Please advise.
My fuck buddy just proposed... Correct me if I'm wrong, but doesn't that completely defeat the purpose of FRIENDS with benefits?
Now you can be friends with Insurance Benefits.
The magnum condom fits. I feel like a manly version of cinderella
my dad just liked my status about my bowl being stolen even he feels my pain
I just want you to know that watching you throw up out of a cab in the McDonald's drive thru was probably the highlight of my night.
Randomize
