what is TOTES MCGOATS in spanish?
Don't smoke out front when you get home there's gasoline involved I'll tell you later
nope. It turned out i wasnt the drunkest person asleep in tacobell parking lot.
I'm still me, I just happen to have things in my porn library that you may not have expected
Only you would come out as bi like that
I was too hungover to read the menu. I literally pointed at a picture of an advertisement and handed the cashier my card
I'm definitely not at Wal-Mart eating jalapeno poppers with an elevated blood alcohol content
You can't just say you're dying of terminal cancer everytime they try to card you
He called my vagina "the man cave", and I found it charming
You know you gave a quality blow job when you have to ice your neck and jaw the next day.
You just kept mumbling about the carpet being covered in stains that looked like the face of God. Until you decided that they were closer in relation to Dumbledore.
My boss is explaining why he thinks time goes by faster and faster. Bc of the rockets. No lie.
1 why did you tell them where i peed last night and 2 where the fuck are you
I just met his mom for the first time with a hang over. Then we went to watch his 8 year old cousin get baptized. Apparently his family loves me. I should drink more often.
Please stop calling me a pterodactyl during sex. It only happens when you're drunk, but still.
There’s a stripper dressed like a slutty pilgrim. Is that a thing?
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