1. Mark my dj buddy and I spent $1000 on bottles last night
2. We were casually offered narcotics while walking down the street
3. I will still be awake when you start school tmw, cause there's no last call
So if any tells you miami is the same as the rest of america, there are just lying to you
You surviving the open bar?
Super asto ex polenta omaha botad
So you're telling me it's impossible to have a "slight case" of chlamydia?
Babe! I just farted and I swear to jesus lord christ that it sounded like ur name! Ok, more like Meeatt but still... awesome.
is it sad that i can masturbate and get my big O just from thinking about a Tiffany engagement ring?
I'm going to go hang out on a giant wooden pirate ship for 5 days.
first time Ive ever had to stop sex to go pass out in the kitchen floor...
were you wearing a green and blue thong last night?
yes! wait why?
because i found it in my pocket this morning...
THEY HAVE A VOMIT TROUGH.
What?
A TROUGH FOR VOMIT.
Its like a relationship where they cockblock each other.
That girl that gave me a blowjob, I think I fired her last year.
What i love about my dog is i can lay in bed and masturbate with him at the foot, and he just leaves me alone.
The next morning I found her spread eagle asleep on the living room floor and he was asleep with his head in her crotch. I needed a ride and had to wake them up.
i woke up this morning from the best one night stand. i made the guy mickey mouse pancakes for breakfast and when i walked back into the bedroom he said "marry me"
Unless it has to do with ramen, goldfish, cheese, or rugby, don't talk to me.
Randomize
