Change your flight to Denver. That's where my penis is.
Dude also, my grandma got me condoms for easter and kind of winked. I don't know what to think
now I know why they wanted me to come. apparently gay guys are stripper magnets
Imagine that my comprehension level is that of a 7 year old and explain your plan again
I vaguely remember stopping for a bag of bugles and some lube and then I woke up this morning with melted chocolate on my hands. I think I love him
This number has temporarily been disconnected and will be restored to service once you get rid of you girlfriend.
It's always awkward in the office the day after your boss sends you a dick pic.
It's like your tits told gravity 'fuck you, I'm fine right here!'
I just remembered that i did pull ups in a bikini on the porch of Red Lobster last night. someone needs to stage an intervention
Naked chocolate chip pancake making. I just spilled mix all over the place. My boobs are covered in flour. This is not going well.
We are in Florida for 3 days. The people in charge of shit brought: a waffle maker, a cheese grater and a SEWING MACHINE
AND NO VODKA
Turns out I tore my ACL when I fell off the mechanical bull.. Happy bday to me
You woke up at like 4 in the morning fell off your bunk bead, yelled at Nic for asking if you were ok, walked to the kitchen, pissed on the keg, and then looked at me and said "Still not worth it" then went back to bed.
Well the grass always *looks* greener on the other side but sometimes that’s bc there’s a sewage runoff...
I don't know, all I remember is waking up at 4 in the morning to him going down on me.
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