So you refered to him as "monster dick"...not so much
I'm pretty sure he came before I knew he was inside me.. Didn't think that was his plan when he said he was gonna do things I've never experienced before
We just made mixed drinks in the bathroom of burger king. This is sad.
you googled " I want to buy a live ostrich". I'd say you were pretty wasted.
Is it penis luge time yet?
How do I tell a friend I drunkenly broke into his house and may have lost his dog
But mostly the blowjob in the airport bathroom was what I was laughing at.
You rolled around on the floor, yelled about being a "half-zombie" and bit that guy on the leg who was hitting on me.
He sent me a dick pic, and it had smeared lipstick on it. So I sent him the pic of my tit with the hickey ring your brother gave me.
I used an emoji to tell him I was pregnant. I should feel bad about that, right?
He fucked me over, so I'm going to do what any rational woman does. I'm going to get really high and have sex with his brother.
Naked. Naked is my favorite color.
I threw my shoes out of frustration and walked home barefoot... can you help me find my shoes in the morning
I just bought a handle of tequila and a breakfast burrito. I might be out of money for the weekend, but at least I have the necessities covered.
Congrats, you are the first person our bartender ever met that actually needed wheeled out of a bar in a wheelchair. He said you were his hero.
Randomize
