just heard the best thing ever: calling people's kids "fuck trophies"
feel weird hangin out with you now that i've eaten your sister out
Someone in my history class just FB messaged me saying they highly suggest I put my sunglasses on. He is sitting 18 rows in front of me...
I'm still amazed at how you managed to puke in every plant on the whole top floor at the mall without a single person noticing and without missing a step.
I'm one shot of soco 100 away from fucking a mailbox
When the officer tried to stop you, you just shouted your name in his face. repeatedly.
My mom woke me up in a bubble bath this morning.
Some guy just stopped me in the bar and asked if I had a shot named after me at another bar called God damn my VaJana hurts? He already knew my name was Jana so I couldn't deny it!
Um...celebrating is an understatement. You flashed the guy at the mexican restaurant and then screamed, "It's just my bikini, I swear!"
She's comparing the feel of breasts to shredded cabbage. Weirdest. Grandmother. Ever.
You partied and then got cock slapped, Don't tell me you didn't have fun
Is "You've never made me cum." an acceptable breakup line?
I swear to God if you fuck my cousin I will fuck your dad.
it's unicorns you uncultured swine
We need a signal or code word for "I basically shaved my whole body and we should touch each other tonight".
Randomize
