Dont worry, she is sitting right next to me. She is making it clear she wants to scissor
we were taking shots of hot tequila, which is even worse than it sounds
This frat boy drinking a forty and wearing a pussy patrol shirt just ran out in front of my car. I should have used less brakes.
Omg. In the pub, there's a guy shouting at the olympic channel 'yeah! Kill that motherfucker!' we're watching figure skating.
Drunk sex destroyed my coffee table... ikea this weekend?
His dad asked what he was doing so he texted his FATHER a picture of me wearing his shirt in his bed.
Recently successful and happy relationships are at an all time high now that you are no longer fucking so many peoples girlfriends. You alone have changed the mating patterns in the lower half of our county.
You need to stop relating my life to your schoolwork. But tell my girlfriend that she'd be proud.
They broke our car window and then wrote "great night" on the next
I found a lucrative side business - giving rides home to drunk oil executives. Very profitable.
Nothing says I've got my life together like vomiting on the groom and passing out at your youngests sisters wedding
My life hurts
I woke up 30 minutes away from the bar, my car was at a train station, and when I got home all I got was the speechless head shake
not ubering you a puppy
I hooked up with a guy named Quan.. I literally hit the Quan
I'm not asking for life coaching, I'm just asking if you know where I left my underpants.
I butt dialed her mom while cheating on her. Needless to say Christmas will be awkward.
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