On valentines day I took a girl on a date that I suspect was homeless
You should never have let annie watch you have sex with other women
Ok. Also I almost just threw up. Seriously. I was think to myself "really? Here? Now? At my work desk?" and then it went away.
I walked into his room and he was naked with a half eaten pecan pie and a bottle of wine.
Theres was an instant understanding between us being drunk on the trampoline at four in the morning and the people walking down the road at the same time
I dare you try and top an Eiffel tower full of Margarita
Agreed. That's like a marriage. For better or worse, till death do us part. I will hold your head over a toilet
I was to tired to jerk him off, so he made me hold it while he thrusted into my hand.
Don't you judge us. Sockets make ideal bowls
They ran out of toilet paper, so I had a girl rip down the streamers so I could wipe.
Interesting occurrence: the application I use to keep track of my periods and sexual encounters just notified me it had been over 4 months since you were logged as an active partner and ask if I'd like to remove you from my options. Wow, kmsl.
Could we try to replay the decision making process whereby only you and I bought and drank a keg this weekend? Because there were some fundamental flaws!
Well, she yelled at the stripper that she couldn't lick whipped cream off his nipples because she is lactose intolerant.
She's wear your skin crazy! Is it wrong that I'm gonna fuck her 1 more time though?
He had me sit on his face until I begged him to stop, then held me there 5 minutes longer. I rested my head on his chest, told him I needed time to recover....and slept for 6 hours. By the time I woke, he was already at work. I just sent him a countdown times until his shift is over.
Randomize
