if I could go back to kindergarten and not fuck up my life, I so would.
Made out with me girlfriend while she was peeing. all time high, or all time low?
I had to go to the front counter of the restaurant and ask for the key because I was "pretty sure my friend is passed out in the bathroom right now"
I keep finding coffee grounds in my vagina
Thanks for sticking it out with old horseface last night... I owe you one buddy.
Now he's lighting his socks on fire
Also when they left they could only find one sock between the two of them. Apparently we're like crazy sock ripping vixens when we bring guys home drunk
I'm sick of being the only unemployed member of the group. Doing things alone isn't partying. Its sad.
I just threw in a dip with a guy that superglued his fake tooth back in today. My life is complete.
I've had sex with three people who have this birthday.
UPDATE: THERE IS ASS EATING. I REPEAT: THERE IS ASS EATING.
I woke up with a captain's hat on my desk.
Youre a wreck. Youll be in your dorm weeping to project runway covered in pizza sauce and smelling of stale beer
He ate me out while I was playing bejeweled. It was the greatest moment of my life.
Holy. shit. Chris has no pants on. In public. Fuck. Need you.
Randomize
