I'm totally gay for Miss Californiaaaaaa
oh sweet, sweet irony
I had so many friends before that round of Never Have I Ever.
ed mcmahon, farrah fawcett, and michael jackson all in one week. What next god, are you juts gonna take my penis too?
there should be a national holiday dedicated to how high i am
how many days can you live off of Vicodin and frosty?? im going on 4 days......
he found you with your pants down, trying to straddle the urinal. no one should have to see their sister like that. ever.
I can't think of anything besides pubic hair fallout. Ugh.
Did everyone make it back alive?
You say that with such hope.
Is that a no?
This has been your unwelcomed wake-up call, brought to you by exes united. Have a good day, to opt out please type "STOP", to continue but act as though they do not exist please enter "DON'T CARE" for random daily wake up texts by exes united please press "PSYCHO!"
I guess, just don't make it awkward
MY FUCK BUDDY'S MOTHER FRIEND REQUESTED ME! IT'S ALREADY AWKWARD COREY
also, made a drinking game out of my birthday photos....drink everytime alcohol is in a photo. going through all 350 of them.
URGENT INPUT I'm at a renesance fair after party and I'm 100% lined up to fuck their sword swallower OR their contortionist. Dont say both - which direction doth I roll?
My mom is selling her car. I'm secretly relieved I won't ever have to tell her about that time you puked in it
are you drinking tonight?
I have an exam tomorrow
so yes.
You need to get out of there before he falls in love with you.
Randomize
