he clicked a button a stirrups came down from the ceiling... if I don't come home by sunday, report me.
We started snorting MDMA at 3 in the afternoon...it was never going to end well.
I opened my door to go to class and all there was was a raccoon puking on the doorstep. In hindsight, it was a very accurate omen.
The doctor told me if I woke up with a broken foot and don't know how it happened, I might want to look into getting treatment.
He passed out naked in my bathroom, then took a shower, then passed out again and then took another shower. Last time I let my brother visit.
If I get over there and the april fools joke is that there's no HBO, I'm setting fire to the place.
Get your penis over here NOW. emergency
It's like shitshowville, population: those girls.
I wish men found my impeccable aim when spitting into the sink attractive.
I need Jameson.
Yea? How do you think I feel? Your job during the delivery is to keep that flask ready. The moment our kid pops out, I'm taking a shot.
Should I go sleeveless of strapless?
Hmmm, it doesn't matter. You're gonna be topless by the end of it.
You rode your bike four miles to my house. Yelled "I'm so high!" Then crashed into his car. It's a problem.
We hooked up last night. I think it was great for our friendship.
On a happier note, I can fit in my old shorts. Dope does have its perks
It was platonic naked porno viewing, I swear.
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