Dude if I didn't piss myself last night I dont think I would have woke up in time for work.
Friend I haven't seen in almost a year just IMed me to let me know that my mom stuck her boob out the window on the freeway at her.
Her mom responded by mooning my mother. I really don't know what's worse.
why do all canadians talk like horny gerbils are stuck in their throats?
all ill say about last night is that we tried to stop you. oh and the bus you're on is going to nashville.
Her parties are sponsored by Valtrex. This might not be your best idea.
you screamed santa and jumped in front of 50 kids to tell him you wanted a bong for christmas.
I have to fuck proof my bed. It was in the middle of the room this time.
You basically tried to anal probe my passed out friend with a lamp
Wait so they unscrewed the bathroom door to find you naked?
Sober now. I'm really glad I didn't try to make out with that guy who has a pregnant fiance
Note to self...boner negates all verbal agreements ...got it
Well, that's not my fault. I make decisions all the time when I'm drunk.
What's the policy on calling guys who have kids daddy...
Do you remember last night?
Just that I fell down a hill with my penis out and the emt talked to me.
Wow first he impregnates you then he won't send you the sex tape you made together? Where has chivalry gone?
Randomize
