she says her boyfriend and her dignity are both out of town tonight
So I just went home and made my own spanx by cutting the legs off of a pair of nylons. I'm either a genius or missed my calling to live in a trailer park.
i think i have herpe
just one?
He's on drugs...like drugs for horses.
she was screaming in french about how classy it was to be drinking wine. oh... she was drinking it out of the bottle. with a beer in her other hand while throwing up.
Not only did a random toaster end up in my house last night, it's also full of skittles.
When you're opening a bottle of tequila with a golf club, it's probably time to stop drinking...
he made me have a moment of silence for the half of my ice cream cone i threw away.
For some reason I knew you were going to smell like strippers and burritos when I hugged you.
If you fool around, take the WHITE sweatshirt off of her first. It's mine, and I don't like your cum nearly as much as she does.
How about this: I support you through your miserable marriage, and you support me through all my anonymous sex?
Sexting is killing my work productivity but it's okay because I'm self-employed
Please clarify that he is speaking of beer pong and not rough sex
but like who hasn’t gotten fingered at the state fair?
you asked me how to turn on the ladder
Randomize
