Sex on bubble wrap = best decision ever.
im stripping for him via video chat, but the sound is turned off cause his students are taking a test
I dig being used for consequence free sex. Not consequenceful sex.
She gave him a lap dance on the glass table. You can guess how that ended
Apparently william has a "couch montage"...an album of facebook photos of himself on different couches in various states of happiness and despair. A heartwrenching journey through what was clearly a significant part of his life. I'd mock him more but I think the fact that I looked through it means he's already won
You picked a jagger girl up claimed her then walked out the door with her that was the last we saw of you
Challenge: Try to have your balls hanging out in every picture you take tonight
Challenge Accepted
Today's forecast is horny with strong chance of booty calls. Low of Craigslist cruising, and a high of climaxing in a stranger's bed.
We are a team. I lure them in with my tits, feed them enough alcohol to consider homosexuality, and hand them off to you.
You're the best wingman ever.
Its like no one cares im drunk naked wet and ready to throw myself at some one hold on i found a solution to my problems
I love pie. Pie understands me and the spatula
Ended up getting hot boxed in a limo with a bunch of asians going to a karaoke bar. I think I pretended to understand their language for a solid hour. Am I bilingual now?
you literally stared at me for three minutes and then said "hey this tequila isn't gonna drink itself, boss"
I could tell you were slightly drunk by the time you started having a conversation with my tiki torch
What kind of sociopath goes to sleep at 9pm when I clearly need attention
Someone made a mask out of a crown royal bag. Can't decide if tacky or awesome.
Randomize
