just ate pastrami before passing out in my hotel room. My room smells like a petting zoo
Turns out, Windex will cut right through semen stains on a computer case.
I typed "housewife" into monster.com's search engine....I got zero results...kinda bummed
I don't think I have ever been told that I am "probably too drunk to pet the stingrays" by a cop before.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
fireball beer pong. youre missing out
how is that even possible?
ove gloves.
be there in ten.
will emailing you the 64 kama sutra positions I want to try during the 3 days your here turn you on or terrify you?
the problem with having sex for lunch when its 98 degrees outside is that I can't tell if its sweat or semen running down my leg as I walk back in the office
But don't worry I didn't actually get stitches, although according to the health center I probably should have
Drank a fosters this weekend and last weekend. Listening to down under 5 times a day. Spent 100 dollars on a sleeveless men at work shirt circa 1983. We don't leave for another 5 weeks. I call it pregaming.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You look cute and you are awesome. And that means something coming from a judgmental bitch
I'm offering you baseball tickets and my vagina, isn't that enough?
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
we bonded over knowing every word to freaky gurl by gucci mane so it’s kinda starting to make sense why I gave him head in his cul de sac
It seems that I didn’t convey clearly enough how well and truly fucked we are, Jack. Listen to me very closely: we are DEAD.
be the chaos you wish to see in the world...
i'm trying to figure out how to respond to that in text
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