I wanna go to beed woth a nboy
I am spending my work day planning my weekend drinking schedule
I just used my med student white coat as ID to buy beer at 9 in the morning
we are playing family charades. my sister pointed at me. everyone guessed alcoholic.
New Years Resolution for 2011 : QUALITY cock. Not quantity.
Good thing it was his birthday because I accidentally grabbed his dick at the bar. A lot.
I really thought you were going to tell me you were pregnant on facebook chat. FACEBOOK CHAT. I almost cried.
the only way to explain how i feel is someone rolled me down a big fucking hill and then a dog came a took a huge ruthless shit in my mouth at the bottom
Caught in the act of lying. Lipstick literally all over his dick. He tried to make some story about darkwing duck or some shit but failed to realize he is a complete moron.
I took a cab from the club to the grocery store. I needed peanut butter.
I'm going to have to have a long talk with god if my soul mate has a prince albert
I need an IV, a new head, and stronger morals.
Do you think they manscape in the zombie apocalypse?
it was weird i started the party in just my underwear and woke up in my clothes
I don’t know what language he speaks but I know my boobs will translate just fine
I’m looking forward to few days of international relations
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