i'm in his phone as sushi coochie
It's very clear that i'm the girl sweating out four lokos at 2 in the afternoon at the gym
She threw up in the hot tub how's your night
He ate me out. IN THE MORNING. I love less attractive men.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
They tried to convince me I broke Alex's nose. Also they stranded me on the roof.
That's what they get for locking a drunk laxer in Mitch's car.
In her drunkenness, she packed a bag with tequila, two shot glasses, salt, a knife, and two pears. She was prepared but too high to distinguish pears from limes.
I can't even remember the last time I took my own pants off
Well, my breasts are swollen and I cried about the Iditarod. But I say PMS until proven pregnant.
I can't take my grandparents out somewhere where I've fucked half the staff.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Someone stole a lamp last night.
She told me I was absolutely not allowed to sleep with him even though she knows I'm a rule breaker who loves a good challenge.
Is there a tactful way to ask "how are your balls?" Or do I just ask point blank
I WAS SURROUNDED BY HAIRY BALLS ALL ALONE.
Who am I kidding? With my track record, I'm going to end up sleeping at the strip club with just nipple tassels on.
I was writing 'DISTRACTION' across my chest in Sharpie when my boob fell out. Right on camera.
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