Dude, my boy c***** and I hooked up with Asian sisters last night in the same room
Then I put on blue by Eiffel 65 and security showed up and yelled at us for being too loud. Also, they stopped fucking because no one can fuck to eiffel 65
I lost my shoes and bra and was beyond mapquesting
Dude, I'm so high in the forest and I think I'm in a bear den.
It's like God shit irony all over that family
she looks like someone took a bunch of spare parts and glued them all on one face. it's quite horrifying.
Just got a orange juice for my grandma, put gin in it without thinking. She's having a good morning.
If my mom walks in on me masturbating one more time I'm moving out
You'd think the first few times would have been enough
He said I showed up in just my underwear and a bunch of towels I stole from the party I was at.
How drunk do you think I'll be by the time I get home?
I just watched you drink a whole glass of wine through a Twizzler. Pretty drunk.
I'm sorry that throwing up fish and Jamaican Rum in the back of your dad's car ruined our friendship
Rule #36, branched off rule 4: Dave stays on a leash in crazy settings. It keeps him good and gets you laid.
So essentially he's like a puppy you can bring to a bar? Retractable leash or chain then?
When you're done railing that chick, there is still half a pizza and some ninja turtle mac and cheese down here if you want
I'm like 'WOMAN, YOU'RE 62, RESHEATH THOSE COUGAR CLAWS.'
i guess i fuck people who own bucket hats so i can't talk shit
No my problem is I'm working and its a beautiful Saturday. I should be recovering from a hangover and out golfing. Fuck responsibility. I miss college.
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