Dude ... paraplegic porn is really creative..
I've been thinking about all the girls in my life in terms of applying to college.
Huh?
I guess what im trying to say is that your my safety school.
it was like she was tryin to eat my face and i was defending myself with my mouth
I mistook a propane tank for a keg.
to cover up your slurred speech you tried talking like the creepy old man from family guy
Just had to explain to a senior manager why I had duct tape residue on my wrist and hand. This weekend was a success.
Fat lady wearing Shape Up's. I would feel bad making crude comments, but she has to know it's coming.
just found out i can blow out the flame on the grill lighter fill my mouth with butane and ignite a fireball
dude you had a hot girl interested and took shots together, as soon as it went down the hatch you upchucked on her entire existance..
successful birthday. 2012 rules
Sometimes you have a life bucket list item checked off like 4 tits in your face simultaneously and getting to bang them both. I'm sorry I bailed on skiing but not really. Coming over with a boombox playing 'heat of the moment' as soon as I can hail a cab cause I'm too drunk to drive still...
I found my spirit animal in the shower. It's a sloth/bear that lives in my chest.
My whole house smells like Spaghetti-Os and cat litter. I think I've failed as an adult.
I was shitfaced. I filled my contact case WITH TANNING LOTION
he's really high and upset. he just found out alice from the brady bunch died
Don't forget my pants whenever you come over, otherwise we can't get in.
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