im typing and i feel like my hands are on backwards.
Stop texting me, I'm right here.
my underwear are soaked with white zifandel yet i have continued to wear them despite the fact im at home
So even though we broke up apparently according to my voice mail you still like me, with smurfs while riding on a boat.
What's standard gratutity for someone having a miscarriage on stage at a strip club? It's important.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Look. You've gotta stop making this about you, and make it about my vagina.
I didn't want to but I was drunk in a Disney bathroom with her and had a weak moment.
fuck Derek. I choose weed. weed isn't angry and would never ask me to be someone I'm not.
did i just see you in the movie theater carrying a margarita into Frozen?
All the 6 year olds are jealous of my alcohol
But on the plus side, what he lacked in size he made up for with speed. And grunting.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
ever since I turned 21 the mother-daughter bonding sessions always end with whiskey and my little pony. I don't know why, it's just a thing that happens
My hangover didn't kick in until like 4pm so I found myself puking in the middle of Times Square. During rush hour. In a three piece suit. A spongebob came by and patted me on the back.
you know its getting late when the "nevers" are turning into "maybe"
Walking back to my car from the campus library and just saw a Nuva Ring on the sidewalk. If that doesn't scream college life, idk what does.
Right after i got done cumming i sat back and gave a big Ric Flair "WOOOOOO!"
Um. I just realized I still have a beer in my purse from last night. I'm at work. I am so classy.
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