My male hookup buddy is gonna meet my female hookup buddy, let the awkward hookup games begin!
I just had a brazillian performed by a hungarian named olga. Im pretty sure she was trying to rip out my soul. You owe me a million orgasms
U can find me on my couch hungover eatin tuna evaluating my life
Dude, they're still mid-coitus. Pretty sure running in to high five my roommate mid-thrust is a mood-breaker.
HOLY FUCK I JUST GOT WOKEN UP BY THUNDER!!!!!
I THINK I SHARTED
The chick got into the cab with us and said we have 3 chances to guess what she just stuck up her ass. Hello to you to!
Only thing worse than going to work with a hangover is going to work with a hangover then realizing that u don't have to work that day
maybe her throwing up on me was a foreshadowing of how she would later metaphorically throw up on my life
We decided this year instead of not participating in Halloween at all we are going to hand out free beers to the parents.
Just applied for assistance with paying my hospital bill from my alcohol poisoning at age 16 while still a little drunk from last night. What is my life.
Circle of life?
The first thing I did when I got to the apartment was masturbate on the couch
He literally poured blue Gatorade on me after we had sex and said "good game" all over my white sheets
Rum and your dick are involved. You're relying on the unreliable narrator.
it was like reliving my childhood drunk at a bar.
Going to the eye doctors drunk makes you feel like your doing a sobriety test! They have to know..
Randomize
