I just got called an ass for saying no thanks to a Greenpeace solicitor. I don't want the whales to die but I do want Greenpeace to fail. Conundrum.
My gift to the freshman: I made an illegal stop, rolled out and dropped to my hands and knees and puked in front of the south campus dorms and about 20 families. Welcome to OSU
I'm giving up shame for lent. Here come the best 40 days and nights of my life.
I turn the corner to find her walking in the front door in a tee-shirt, two different shoes and no pants. All she said to me was "I'm sad"
i am way too old to be getting fingered at work
I don't want to talk. I just want to motorboat those tits
Apparently as she was dragging me out of the club, I was clinching onto this european guy screaming at Jenna: that's the 12th time you've cockblocked me tonight
I don't have any money, so I'm just gonna press my boobs against him for his birthday.
Everyone was hooking up and I was just by myself rolling around in the grass at one point ... Which I am allergic to.
Are we in any of the areas with tornados?
Dude, i don't even have pants on yet, it's too early to think about tornadoes.
You asked me if I was judging you for being drunk, and if I can hypnotize you make sober.
Is there a greeting card for "I can't keep being The Other Woman"?
Today is going to be a great day. He just brought me a donut on his dick... It's Sticky Dick Donut Day!!!
I don't remember anything but bad decisions last night
Also epiphany: I gotta quit fucking with dudes that have never seen Harry Potter. They all turn out to be shitheads who probably eat honeydew.
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